Death by a thousand cunts

Similar to the ancient Chinese slow form of torture, except more acknowledging that shagging 1000 gineys will both invariably take considerable time and leave the consumer with an array of diseases that will almost certainly lead to death. What a way to go though.

Babs: ‘What do you think would be the most cruel and unusual form of torture to use on Elton John?’
BD: ‘death by a thousand cunts would be nightmare fuel for that old crafty, surely?’
Babs: ‘cunts as in vaginas?’
BD: ‘Jesus Christ Babs, you schwantz. Yes, ‘cunts’ as in vaginas. What the fuck is wrong with you?’

by Anonymous submissions October 13, 2022

Frankfurter foliage

The pubic hair surrounding, and often intruding onto the male phallus.

Jane: 'Wow, Johnny, I like what you've done with your frankfurter foliage; the braids look great'
Johnny: 'Thanks Jane, I thought you'd like them. Now, if you wouldn't mind, please continue sucking and let's keep the rest of the small talk until after the vinegar strokes. I'm paying you by the hour and every time you talk I am forced to look at you and be reminded about how utterly repulsive you actually are.'

by Anonymous submissions November 13, 2016

Juxtapussytion

A specific style of the artistic technique of 'juxtaposition' whereby one of the contrasting images contains a vagina motif.

'The Guggenheim has an incredibly powerful Andy Warhole work on display called 'pooch in the cooch.' The juxtapussytion of putting a Doberman in a midget's vagina not only made an interesting statement on the modern existential dilemma, but also gave me a bone so hard a dog couldn't chew through it.'

by Anonymous submissions January 29, 2017

Discuntent

When a heterosexual male (or vaginatarian) is dissatisfied with the overall number of sexual conquests they have achieved to date i.e a down-in-the-dumps no-pumps chump

Bill: ‘Mate, can I talk to you? My discuntent keeps deteriorating so much that I’ve booked in for a penis extension’
Ted: ‘Ha!’
Bill: ‘I’m not joking, I’ve already got the appointment booked’
Ted: ‘It’s not that, I’m just surprised you think your tiny cock is the root cause of your discuntent, when it’s actually the fact that your face looks like it caught on fire and was put out with a bike chain’

by Anonymous submissions June 2, 2021

Standard deviantAsian

A slant (pun intended) on the traditional statistical feature of standard deviation whereby the sexual deviance levels of an Asian male can be predicted by positive linear equation, as they are largely constant

'What is it about being a standard deviantAsian? Here I was minding my own business enjoying a spot of inoccuous Japanese porn in the work toilet cubicle on my lunch break when the whole thing inevitably descended into a bukkake fest. It was terribly off-putting. Those crazy Asians like filth nearly as much as they like rice and foot binding'

by Anonymous submissions December 30, 2016

Ejacelation

To be so elated by a perceived favourable outcome in an event, no matter how mediocre, that one proceeds to ejaculate without warning in one's pants, regardless of the social situation.

Dentist: 'You were well behaved at your appointment today David, so here's a sticker'
David: (jizzes in pants)
Dentist: 'Ejacelation?'
David: 'Nope, prostate cancer.'

by Anonymous submissions January 27, 2017

hetero gay enthusiast

A heterosexual male who is an excitable participant in all things pertaining to the stereotypical gay lifestyle other the physical act of fucking blokes.

Big Dog: ‘Babs, darling, shall we catch another show tonight? I heard that ‘Magic Mike’ is playing at the Palladium and it’s a spectacularly raunchy man-fest’
Babs: ‘Sounds good, Big Dog, just give me a sec to get the butt plug in and I’ll be ready’
Big Dog: ‘You fucking what, Babs?? We’re supposed to be hetero gay enthusiasts- it doesn’t work if you go full poofter on me, you queer cunt. Actually, here- take your feather boa and tank top back- Big Diz ain’t got no time for closeted shirt-lifters.’

by Anonymous submissions September 12, 2024