Albert Woods's definitions
'God Cynthia. What on earth did you eat last night? You've been bum-humming that Gershwin smedley for at least five minutes. I can't breathe.'
by Albert Woods September 27, 2007
Get the Smedleymug. The subtle female bouquet - reminiscent of fish - resulting from an excess of old vaginal mucus. Sometimes found on ladies bicycle saddles in hot weather Shufti.
'Well Rupert; from the delightful aroma from the kitchen, I thought we were having fish for supper.'
'No, Claude: it's pheasant old boy. What you can smell is Lady Constance's whang. Quite mackerelly today, don't ya think?'
'No, Claude: it's pheasant old boy. What you can smell is Lady Constance's whang. Quite mackerelly today, don't ya think?'
by Albert Woods September 22, 2007
Get the Whangmug. Noun and Verb.
N: A shuftee - sexual deviant (of either sex) who gains gratification from sniffing recently-used ladies bicycle saddles in hot weather.
Vb: To shuftee - To place the flared nostrils on the horn of a freshly-used ladies bicycle saddle on a sweltering hot day, inhale deeply through the nose and collapse in a miasma of orgasmic delight.
N: A shuftee - sexual deviant (of either sex) who gains gratification from sniffing recently-used ladies bicycle saddles in hot weather.
Vb: To shuftee - To place the flared nostrils on the horn of a freshly-used ladies bicycle saddle on a sweltering hot day, inhale deeply through the nose and collapse in a miasma of orgasmic delight.
N:
'Just look at him coming all over her rear mudguard: the filthy shuftee'
Vb:
'How dare you shuftee my Raleigh Superior!'
'Is it yours, Miss Widdecombe? Oh God - I thought it belonged to Miss Lumley.'
'Just look at him coming all over her rear mudguard: the filthy shuftee'
Vb:
'How dare you shuftee my Raleigh Superior!'
'Is it yours, Miss Widdecombe? Oh God - I thought it belonged to Miss Lumley.'
by Albert Woods December 9, 2008
Get the Shufteemug. Pronounced like onion with 'Gr' in front, and usually in the plural.
Singular: - A left (or right) sailor's testicle that has been grossly inflated by a true 'blow' job in some stinking back-street Asian or Arab port during shore leave.
Plural - (Gronions) The worst scenario. Both balls about to explode through over-inflation, usually brought about by the aforesaid vicious fellatio, but with the added intervention of the house madam sticking a finger up the rectum at the same time.
Singular: - A left (or right) sailor's testicle that has been grossly inflated by a true 'blow' job in some stinking back-street Asian or Arab port during shore leave.
Plural - (Gronions) The worst scenario. Both balls about to explode through over-inflation, usually brought about by the aforesaid vicious fellatio, but with the added intervention of the house madam sticking a finger up the rectum at the same time.
Ship's Doctor:
'You seem to have a severe case of the Gronions'.
Sailor:
'Is there any cure?'
Ship's Doctor:
'No; but if you're willing, I suggest you donate one to Arsenal and the other to Man. U.'
'You seem to have a severe case of the Gronions'.
Sailor:
'Is there any cure?'
Ship's Doctor:
'No; but if you're willing, I suggest you donate one to Arsenal and the other to Man. U.'
by Albert Woods September 27, 2007
Get the Gronionmug. The plaintive cry of the Euro-Asian lesser-brained immigrant, welcomed into the country to fill the vital and skilled role of accosting the public by flogging copies of Big Issue.
by Albert Woods January 4, 2009
Get the Beaky Shoemug. 1: A term people use when they mean the exact opposite.
2: The perfect get-out in tricky conversations.
2: The perfect get-out in tricky conversations.
1:
'Where, on earth, did you manage to find naturally produced meat balls, Fiona?'
'In Sainsburys.'
2:
'I assume you've remembered me in your will?'
'Naturally.'
'Where, on earth, did you manage to find naturally produced meat balls, Fiona?'
'In Sainsburys.'
2:
'I assume you've remembered me in your will?'
'Naturally.'
by Albert Woods December 9, 2008
Get the Naturallymug. 1:
Another example of the Americans mangling the English language. Should be:- Diarrhoea.
2:
As stated above, liquid shits.
Another example of the Americans mangling the English language. Should be:- Diarrhoea.
2:
As stated above, liquid shits.
'Sorry Lord Puttnam, I can't make it to the Oscars. I've got diarreah.'
'No you haven't, my dear. You've got diarrhoea.'
'Oh... that's ok then. I'll be there at 7.'
'No you haven't, my dear. You've got diarrhoea.'
'Oh... that's ok then. I'll be there at 7.'
by Albert Woods December 15, 2008
Get the Diarreahmug.