11 definitions by Albert Woods
An insatiable cum-guzzling nympho who, not satisfied with a generous mouthful, dives under the blankets foraging for any stray jism blobs (sometimes next morning).
Peregrine: 'I'm worried about our sex life. Lady Isobel keeps disappearing under the bedclothes.'
Quentain: 'Don't be. She's probably a blanket crawler.'
Quentain: 'Don't be. She's probably a blanket crawler.'
by Albert Woods September 13, 2007
1: Some women's irritating habit of regulary shouting out: 'Wolf! Wolf!'
2: A wolf that has just missed out on its lunch of Red Riding Hood and has tears in its eyes.
2: A wolf that has just missed out on its lunch of Red Riding Hood and has tears in its eyes.
Man: 'Stop crying Wolf! Wolf!'
Woman: 'I'm not, you tosser. It's Fido going Woof! Woof!'
Man: 'I hate false alarms. Get him some eloquotion lessons.'
Woman: 'I'm not, you tosser. It's Fido going Woof! Woof!'
Man: 'I hate false alarms. Get him some eloquotion lessons.'
by Albert Woods September 8, 2007
The subtle female bouquet - reminiscent of fish - resulting from an excess of old vaginal mucus. Sometimes found on ladies bicycle saddles in hot weather Shufti.
'Well Rupert; from the delightful aroma from the kitchen, I thought we were having fish for supper.'
'No, Claude: it's pheasant old boy. What you can smell is Lady Constance's whang. Quite mackerelly today, don't ya think?'
'No, Claude: it's pheasant old boy. What you can smell is Lady Constance's whang. Quite mackerelly today, don't ya think?'
by Albert Woods September 8, 2007
The plaintive cry of the Euro-Asian lesser-brained immigrant, welcomed into the country to fill the vital and skilled role of accosting the public by flogging copies of Big Issue.
by Albert Woods October 12, 2007
Pronounced like onion with 'Gr' in front, and usually in the plural.
Singular: - A left (or right) sailor's testicle that has been grossly inflated by a true 'blow' job in some stinking back-street Asian or Arab port during shore leave.
Plural - (Gronions) The worst scenario. Both balls about to explode through over-inflation, usually brought about by the aforesaid vicious fellatio, but with the added intervention of the house madam sticking a finger up the rectum at the same time.
Singular: - A left (or right) sailor's testicle that has been grossly inflated by a true 'blow' job in some stinking back-street Asian or Arab port during shore leave.
Plural - (Gronions) The worst scenario. Both balls about to explode through over-inflation, usually brought about by the aforesaid vicious fellatio, but with the added intervention of the house madam sticking a finger up the rectum at the same time.
Ship's Doctor:
'You seem to have a severe case of the Gronions'.
Sailor:
'Is there any cure?'
Ship's Doctor:
'No; but if you're willing, I suggest you donate one to Arsenal and the other to Man. U.'
'You seem to have a severe case of the Gronions'.
Sailor:
'Is there any cure?'
Ship's Doctor:
'No; but if you're willing, I suggest you donate one to Arsenal and the other to Man. U.'
by Albert Woods September 8, 2007
1: A term people use when they mean the exact opposite.
2: The perfect get-out in tricky conversations.
2: The perfect get-out in tricky conversations.
1:
'Where, on earth, did you manage to find naturally produced meat balls, Fiona?'
'In Sainsburys.'
2:
'I assume you've remembered me in your will?'
'Naturally.'
'Where, on earth, did you manage to find naturally produced meat balls, Fiona?'
'In Sainsburys.'
2:
'I assume you've remembered me in your will?'
'Naturally.'
by Albert Woods September 8, 2007
'God Cynthia. What on earth did you eat last night? You've been bum-humming that Gershwin smedley for at least five minutes. I can't breathe.'
by Albert Woods September 13, 2007