AKACroatalin's definitions

Nemophilia

Nemophilia is the love of spending time in forests or woodland, particularly at night; going camping in woodland could probably be considered to be the equivalent of sex, possibly this is what John Denver meant when he wrote Annie’s Song. It does, however, make you wonder what woodland survival training, as practised by the armed forces, would equate to.

No Malcolm, people who practise Nemophilia should not be arrested and jailed.

by AKACroatalin December 30, 2016

Ear Wax

Although it may look like wax and be called wax, you can’t make candles from it. It’s a semi-solid varying in colour from almost white, through yellow to dark brown, secreted from modified sweat glands within the ear. Its purpose is to protect and moisturise the delicate skin inside the ears. What can happen, though, is that over-secretion causes a build up within the ear which can cause partial deafness, discomfort or pain and may require its removal. To do this a special liquid can be obtained from pharmacists, although this is not always successful. Alternatively the build up of wax may be removed by syringing the ears with water or with a specialised vacuum extractor, these last two should only be done by a qualified medical practitioner. On no account should you go digging around in there with cotton swabs or trying to melt it out with ear wax extraction candles.

I've got so much ear wax I can't hear a thing.

by AKACroatalin December 31, 2016

Gowk

Gowk (pronounced ɡaʊk) is a noun with a number of meanings. It is sometimes used to mean a cuckoo or an awkward, clumsy or stupid person. Apparently the word goes back to ancient German and could mean a bastard, simpleton, or fool, which gives its commonest usage namely an awkward or foolish person. There is also a third totally distinct meaning; in Geordie dialect it means an apple core.

“You passed your kid off as his? You fucking gowk!”

by AKACroatalin January 3, 2017

Hibernacle

You’ve guessed it! It’s a place where you go to hibernate; somewhere to go in winter to get away from petty annoyances, destressify and catch up on sleep. Too good to be true? Yeah, it probably is.

Malcolm is so stupid, he thought hibernacle was a type of barnacle.

by AKACroatalin January 3, 2017

Huffle-Buffs

It should be pointed out right away that huffle-buffs are totally different to huckle bucks. Huffle-buffs are old, warm, comfortable clothes that you put on when you want to relax. These are suitable for wear in your hibernacle.

I’m feeling dormative so I’m going to wear my huffle-buffs and chill for the whole of next week.

by AKACroatalin January 3, 2017

Boracic

It’s pronounced ‘brassic’ and it’s slang for being penniless. Like so many other widespread expressions, it derives from the Cockney rhyming slang 'boracic lint' which rhymes with skint signifying that the person has no money. Incidentally, boracic lint was used as a dressing in the treatment of ulcerated skin.

“Chas, can you lend me a ton? Angie wants to go out tonight an’ me cashpoint card’s knackered.”
“Sorry mate, I'm boracic.”

by AKACroatalin January 4, 2017

Mistletoe

Most people think of mistletoe as being romantic, but it isn’t, not really. The name derives from mistletan, which means a twig of mistle; the seeds of the plant are propagated through the excrement of birds, notably the mistle thrush. If you now take account that the old Germanic word ‘mist’ means shit or dung, mistletoe’s name translates as ‘shit plant’.

I’ll never see mistletoe in quite the same way ever again.

by AKACroatalin January 8, 2017