You'd never expect this sexy ass mf Cryptid to
grace your baby shower. The
Chicago Running Man spans multiple mythos, but is most popular in American folklore. Legend has it, he holds the current land speed record at 784 lbs. and 19 cents. The
Chicago Running Man
will primarily use his knees to concuss his prey, which usually consists of Chicago Cubs. He especially loves the draft roster; they are a delicacy to him. The
Chicago Running Man has escaped Foundation containment a record 48 times, and is currently on the loose. Some say, that if you play reggaeton loud enough, and at the right speed, you
may be able to create frequencies that can slow down the
Chicago Running Man enough to be seen with the naked eye, but be warned: it gets him particularly frisky and handsy. If you survive the encounter, you may experience a slight intense burning of the ass cheek, and handprint-shaped bruising along the ass cheek area. The
Chicago Running Man, like all good Americans, is devoted to FREEDOM. Sometimes, in his spare time, he runs over to Socialist rallies and throws a bike lock, and often pins it on an ANTIFA member. The goal of this is unknown, but he has been found consistently doing this. The Chicago Running Man has a soft spot for crap-quality early 2000's
YouTube video intros, as he discovered himself spiritually around the those times. More has yet to be discovered about this phenomenal creature; expect more reports in the future.
"UAAAGH. WEEEH. OIOIOIOIOIOIOOO. NYANNYANNYANNYANNYAN. NYA NYE NYI NYU NYO. BIBIBIBIABIBABABIBABIBIABABABIBABA. WOAH,
POG! THAT'S IT! NUMBER 16: THE
CHICAGO RUNNING MAN!"
-Taken from the official
Chicago Running Man Theme Song.
