You'
d never expect this sexy ass mf Cryptid to grace your baby shower. The Chicago Running
Man spans multiple mythos, but is most
popular in American folklore. Legend has it, he holds the current land
speed record at 784 lbs. and 19 cents. The Chicago Running
Man will primarily use his knees to concuss his prey, which usually consists of Chicago Cubs. He especially loves the draft roster; they are a delicacy to him. The Chicago Running
Man has escaped Foundation containment a record 48 times, and is currently on the loose. Some say, that if you play reggaeton loud enough, and at the right speed, you
may be able to create frequencies that can slow down the Chicago Running Man enough to be seen with the naked eye, but be warned: it gets him particularly frisky and handsy. If you survive the encounter, you
may experience a slight intense burning of the ass cheek, and handprint-shaped bruising along the ass cheek area. The Chicago Running
Man, like all good Americans, is devoted to
FREEDOM. Sometimes, in his spare time, he runs over to Socialist rallies and throws a bike lock, and often pins it on an ANTIFA member. The goal of this is unknown, but he has been found consistently doing this. The Chicago Running
Man has a soft spot for
crap-quality early 2000'
s YouTube video intros, as he discovered himself spiritually around the those times. More has yet to be discovered about this phenomenal creature; expect more reports in the future.
"UAAAGH. WEEEH. OIOIOIOIOIOIOOO. NYANNYANNYANNYANNYAN. NYA NYE NYI NYU NYO. BIBIBIBIABIBABABIBABIBIABABABIBABA. WOAH, POG! THAT'
S IT! NUMBER 16: THE CHICAGO RUNNING
MAN!"
-Taken from the official Chicago Running
Man Theme Song.
