the douchiest douchebag 

the douchiest douchebag consists of a white boy who claims to be very straight but is evidently not. all he wears is patagonia, boat shoes, birkenstocks, nike hats and rip n dip; and if you don’t wear these brands, he will, and i mean WILL, shit on you. he plays soccer but not for the school team— just in high school but still snapchat’s the boys every day about how not just saturday, but every day is for the boys. however, never is he ever truly with the boys. he is always chillin with the sistas. joggers are a must, he claims to be the best drunk in town, however, he is worse than a thirteen year old who’s parents have left for the night and had three shots of the oldest whiskey in the house and claims to be HAMMERED. he will hatch match any female and then flex when he wins. but if any man who tries to hatch match, he cowers in fear, says “nah not this week”. he snorts creatine. says he is going to quit juuling but still fiends pods. his BMI is zero. it’s a challenge being his friend because despite all of this, you love him to death, and he’s actually a pretty great friend. he’s fun to make fun of, but he is always there for you and makes you laugh all the time. you love the douchey douchebag because even though he’s a wreck, he’s still a good guy at the bottom of it all and he has good intentions.

that guy is the douchiest douchebag!

the douchiest douchebag by thegalofthetown October 1, 2019