soccer moms

They name their children Madison, Britney, Caitlyn, Tanner, Bryce, Trevor... they drive an SUV or minivan embossed with soccer ball decals and honor student bumper stickers... their two most prized possessions: their cell phone and their sport water bottle... their husbands are never around, either at work or playing golf... they live in a constant state of suspicion of anyone "different" or not from their neighborhood (which usually is gated to keep those other people out).
They and they alone have made the lamentable Kidz Bop series a huge success and consequently are raising social retards who when they finally are "free" and off to college, will become drunken frat boys and/or slutty sorority girls.

The soccer moms of River Place subdivision gathered at Starbucks to discuss the growing problem of suspicious-looking Hispanic lawn crews prowling up and down their streets. Molly suggested that they discuss the issue with the HOA, to which Cindy said, "Good idea! Maybe we can make a rule requiring all Hispanics who come to our neighborhood be required to pass a background check."
They all loved this idea and toasted Cindy with their frozen lattes.

by Tom Fool June 12, 2007

Soccer Moms

A bunch of repressive, middle to upper-class bitches. They always live in those Suburban neighborhoods, they are almost always a conservative republican, or conservative democrat. Soccer Moms are the reason for all of the useless censorship rules. They are snotty, rude, arrogant, and bitchy. They usually drive huge-ass SUVS, which they load their "precious, adorable, awesome, and better than everyone else" brat kids into every weekday for some kind of sport. A soccer-mom basically lives through her kids, she has them out doing all of the things she wanted to do as a kid. Her husband is never home, because his wife is such a repressive bitch, and won't have sex with him because she's afraid the kids will here them. Thus, he screws his secretary. A Soccer Mom will not allow her kids to watch any movies over the rating PG. She usually is involved with PTA meetings, and does snack days, is selective with who her kids can be around, and who they can't.

Soccer Moms fail.

by greenpeas August 19, 2009

soccer moms

1) An undervalued being, typically possessing low to no self-esteem, whom attempts to validate her existence by subjecting her spawn to meaningless activities and structure, often vandalizing her own vehicle, home and/or office space with memorabilia in an attempt to show others that she has not yet died.

2) A time bomb waiting to detonate in a therapist's office or a grocery check-out line after finding her double off coupon is no longer valid.

"But Mom, I just want to slash my wrists and listen to 311--"

"Mini-Van, ball, now!"

by Machiavelli August 30, 2003

soccer moms

female mothers, sometimes single, that haul their little tykes around to soccer practice or games; vehicles they drive range from big ass gas hogging SUV's to mini vans with a soccer sticker placed near the back window; usually upper middle class cake eating assholes

The soccer mom gave me the "evil eye" after I clearly stated loudly, soccer should have stayed in Europe.

by gabe July 6, 2003

Soccer moms

The stupid ass moms in america who preach about global warming because of huge vehicles being driven then they leave in their H2 Hummer to go get their spoiled bratty ass 'angels' from school to bring them to their after school shit and get groceries then go to their PTA meetings to chat about how they can 'make the world safer' for their overprotected children. They are obsessed with safety, censorship, and their children will never be able to survive in the real world alone because they won't know what to expect in life. These moms love to make other people miserable by telling them what to do when children are present and they act like children will forever be children and never become adults. They parent so that their kids will grow up to be christian 40 year old virgins listening to Bach and Kidz Bop and watching Barney and Telletubbies. They are the reason everything has censorship, saftey things that can't be turned off because a child MIGHT JUST MIGHT sit in the back of my screaming metal deathtrap.
Everything rated pg-13 and over, cars with t-tops, convertibles, loud engines, go fast are sinful. Music not sung by children or is not about fairy tales is the Devil. They made the government change the law so that kids have to sit in a car seat strapped down like they are in a roller coaster until they are so tall when when i was little, we could stand up in the front seat. Fucking Soccer moms took the fun, risks, and thrills out of childhood and they made our children into pussy wimps.

I drive a red rice-burning t-top firebird, listen to heavy metal, am learning German, drive fast and good, hate fast food, watch porn and violent movies, do not shelter children, and i am street smart: I am the definition of a soccer moms nightmarish encounter.

by Deutsch Thespian January 17, 2008

soccer moms

a parking lot hazzard

"soccer moms.....oooooright!" --quagmyer

by coldcheese March 22, 2004

Soccer Moms

They're are the reason for car crashes , global warming , teenyboppers , frat boys/girls , they mostly stay at home waiting to pick up their "angels" for what dumbass activity their brats are doing , or annoying the crap out some sane person , or causing car wrecks in the air-polluting SUVs , they hate anything that is non Christian (despite being spawns of Satan) , internet , freedom , minorities , anything that will "corrupt" their "precious little angels" , they keep their children away from anything that will make them individual. They also hate gamers and anime fans

Me : *Listening to Melanie Martinez*

Soccer Mom: HEY ! YOUNG LADY QUIT LISTENING TO THAT SATANIC GARAGE YOUR LISTENING TO , YOU ARE CORRUPTING MY BABY

Soccer Mom's kid : *smoking weed behind his mother's back*

Me : You're not my mom

Soccer Mom: THEN I'M GONNA TELL HER

Me : Fine

Soccer Bitch tell my mom

Soccer Mom : Hey your child is listening to this Melanie Martinez

My Mom : So what ?

Soccer Mom: WTF ! YOU SHOULD PUNISH HER FOR LISTENING TO THE DEVIL'S MUSIC

My Mom : *walks away from crazy Soccer Mom *

My Mom: Don't worry *insert name* , hopefully she and her brat will die in a car wreck

And this why soccer moms are pure evil

by ThatOneTweenLoner August 12, 2017