A perpetually unlucky person. A person who's often a victim of something bad. From Yiddish.
A "schlemiel" is the guy most likely to spill the wine at dinner.
A "schlemazel" is the guy most likely to have the wine spilled on him.
And the "nudnick" is the guy most likely to ask (in a nasal voice), "Gee, what kind of wine was that anyhow?"
A magazine filled with hella expensive stuff no one would use in real life. The magazine was created for billionaires and rich, asswhite people to spend the extra million dollars they find between their couch cushions on.
"Honey, pass me that Hammacher Schlemmer magazine," said Mark as he put on his gucci sunglasses.
A wet fart, a fart in which upon being expelled from the anus, carries with it ass juice. Leaving your undergarments caught in the crossfire. A schlem can be due to relaxed sphincter muscles, i.e. bum love. If you are unfortunate enough to suffer a schlem, do not try and salvage your underwear, make sure you dispose of it!
"Aw man i've got 'schlem' juice running down my leg!"
"I hear Ian 'schlems' so bad, he has to wear a sanitary towel!"