A superior way of objectifying women.
Instead of the inaccurate number system, whereby a women is given a number based on their level of attractiveness between 1-10, she
may be better objectified according to her performance, perceived or otherwise, in the sack.
Using the act of masturbation as a unit of measurement, a women may be ranked like so, in no particular order:
A Wank And A Half
A
Wank And A Bit
A
Wank And Three Quarters, if she’s really good.
And…
Worse Than A
Wank
Based on a universal, non-esoteric unit of measure, the
Wank Rank is the preferred Lay-person’s description of women.
Guy 1: Check her out, what do you think she is?
Guy 2: A 6, getting on to 7.
Guy 1: No, I mean what do you think she’s
like, in bed?
Guy 2:
Oh, you mean her
Wank Rank?
Guy 1: Course.
Guy 2: A Wank And A Half?
Next day.
Guy 1: So, how was she?
Guy 2: In Layman’s terms, a
Wank And A Quarter.
Guy 1: Ooh, I’m
sorry.
Guy 2: Yeah, it was disappointing. I’ve got to stop overestimating chicks. Hey, I never heard what you thought.
Guy 1: What, you mean what
Wank Rank I gave her in my head?
Guy 2: Yeah. You’ve always been better at placing women than me.
Guy 1: It comes with practice.
Guy 2: So what did you think?
Guy 1: Well, it’s kind of pointless now, seeing as how you’ve already had sex with her.
Guy 2: Well, I still want to know.
Guy 1: It doesn’t matter.
Guy 2: Come on.
Guy 1: You really want to know?
Guy 2: Yeah, of course.
Guy 1: Well… I kinda knew she’d be Worse Than A
Wank.
Guy 2: What?
Guy 1: Yeah, you had a lot to drink last night, and you were seriously hung-over this morning, but yeah, she looked awful.
Guy 2: Worse Than A
Wank? No way, she couldn’t have been that bad.
Guy 1: No seriously, she was
like an inch of makeup, cancerously tanned and looks
like she
may have a venereal disease.
Guy 2: WHAT? And you let me take her
home?
Guy 1: Yeah, sorry about that.
Guy 2: I COULD HAVE GOTTEN AIDS!
Guy 1: Yeah, it’s almost enough to make you stick to wanking, or go
gay.
Guy 2: What?
Guy 1: I said it’s enough to make you want to abandon women altogether.
Guy 2: Are you trying to tell me something?
Guy 1: Yeah.
Pause.
Guy 1: I’m
gay.
Guy 2: I gathered.
