Skip to main content

Quartz, Parchment, Shears 

The best way to settle a difference over a chair is a good old fashioned game of Quartz, Parchment, Shears.

Pornumentary 

Pornumentary is the play by play description of an occurring sexual activity between two people (usually inexperienced) who are totally unaware that their sexual activity can be heard by others.
The following is an excerpt from a pornumentary that I overheard between two teens who camped in a tent next to mine over the Memorial Day weekend.

Jasmine: (tee-hee) Can we try it doggy now?

Brody: (feeling oh so lucky) Sure! But you'll have to move that way a bit!

Jasmine Oooch, that hurts when you slip out and it hits between the holes!

Brody: I'm sorry about that, It doesn't feel too good when I hit the "taint" either!

Jasmine: Taint...? Damn, that rock keeps jabbing into my knee!
Pornumentary by Misty Dawn May 27, 2008

Parchment Class 

Endless Suffering for anybody who takes the class. People named Finn are unable to pass this class
Person 1: Dude i have Parchment class
Person 2: Good thing your name isn't Finn
Parchment Class by Not a Finn December 30, 2020
any small nick-nak or ornament that has a sexual resemblance.
oh thats a nice pornament you have on your mantle piece
pornament by grammar-chiefs July 2, 2011
Somehow, Rodney's Christmas tree, decked out in garish purple lights and Mrs. Santa pornaments, failed to convey the solemnity and dignity of this holiest of days.
pornament by Katie Oh! December 7, 2006

Lawn Pornament 

Any seasonal lawn decoration that has been or can be used as a sex doll or sex toy. Can be inflatable or rigid and may or may not be modified to support deviant acts.
My grandma called the police when she saw a drunk college student from down the street defiling her prized inflatable Santa Claus. When the Police arrived, they found him passed out holding a Christmas elf. He had apparently sealed the deal with Donner, Prancer, Rudolph's mouth, and Frosty the Snow Man. When questioned, he claimed that he became addicted to Lawn Pornaments after dropping acid while watching a Family Guy marathon.
Lawn Pornament by tidycat72 December 8, 2009