moist cow Share definition Flag A soggy old hag, typically a 55+ year old woman who frequently engages in sexual intercourse and scares young children. Usually an educator. Mrs. Kenyon, our transvestite gym teacher, is a moist cow. moist cow by Moist Cow February 14, 2017 0 0 Get merch Get the moist cow mug. Buy Now — $32.95 See more merch