If only

A retort that means, "What you've just said is plainly not true, although I certainly wish it were."

"I'm never going to call or e-mail you again." "If only!"

"Aren't you worried about the Republicans? Once they get into office, they'll reduce the size of government." "If only!"

by Doctor Whom August 3, 2005

If only

it can be used to mean i wish this would happen. or it can also be used as a phrase rto mean maybe if this happens then....

person1: if only i were queen of the world.
person2: if only i was older than maybe he'd like me.

by purpleanjyl September 14, 2005

If only

A less assertive phrase to substitute for "as if", which was commonly used during the Valley Girl phase most frequently in the western United States. (sarcasm.)

Guy: You know you want to hook up with me!
Girl: {{prsh} If only! Keep troopin`.

by C_nonomous September 15, 2005

. . . if only bananas were longer. . .

A conversational endpoint that you use when some little whiny worm is complaining to you and you are sick of it. Will often belittle complainer and give complain-ee a defining sense of satisfaction.

Whining little worm: Ughhhh, I got dirty snow on my Uggs, and my cell phone is broken, and things are really hard at home with my parents and ugh I'm just so stressed!

Me: . . . if only bananas were longer. . .

Whining Little Worm: *Silence*

by Pi@noguy January 13, 2011

if only you were lonely

An album by hawthorne heights. One of the greatest albums ive ever heard. All the songs are great! Except the song "Decembers" which sucks!

dune #1: have you heard hawthorne heights new album "if only you were lonely"?

dune #2: yeah, it totally rocks!!!!

by shaun1 September 9, 2006

if and only if

A term used by mathematicians and logicians to indicate that something happens under very specific conditions. Often seen in proofs and theories.

1) The sum a geometric sequence is given by a/(1-r) if and only if |r| < 1.

2) In a bar:
dumped guy: "My girlfriend left me because I told her I loved her!"
other guy: "What a bitch!"
dumped guy: "No, it's all my fault, she's a mathematician, and I should have said 'I love you and only you'".

by berkanator September 6, 2005

only if bro does

an expression commonly used to express that one will only do something if the Bro does.

"yo, are you gonna go to that dance with those skanks?"
"only if bro does."

by mr. malaka January 28, 2009