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A retort that means, "What you've just said is plainly not true, although I certainly wish it were."
"I'm never going to call or e-mail you again." "If only!"

"Aren't you worried about the Republicans? Once they get into office, they'll reduce the size of government." "If only!"
by Doctor Whom July 15, 2005
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Feb 26 Word of the Day
Commonly used in text messages or social media as a short form for Very Sound Advice.
Mate 1: Hey, I'd be careful risking all that money on one bet. Only risk what you can afford to lose.
Mate 2: Thanks. VSA
by Sexucator February 08, 2021
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2
it can be used to mean i wish this would happen. or it can also be used as a phrase rto mean maybe if this happens then....
person1: if only i were queen of the world.
person2: if only i was older than maybe he'd like me.
by purpleanjyl August 18, 2005
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3
A less assertive phrase to substitute for "as if", which was commonly used during the Valley Girl phase most frequently in the western United States. (sarcasm.)
Guy: You know you want to hook up with me!
Girl: {{prsh} If only! Keep troopin`.
by C_nonomous August 19, 2005
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