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I don't hold a hose 

Australian slang for 'not my fucking job'.
Coined during the devastating bushfires of the Australian black summer of 2019/20, as the Prime Minister Scott Morrison took holidays in Hawaii, when asked by a journalist to help the people affected, Scotty from Marketing replied: 'I don't hold a hose'.
'Could you help me finish these reports? I'm snowed under and the deadline is tonight.'
'Sorry mate, I don't hold a hose.'
I don't hold a hose by Kero400420 December 10, 2020

Can't even kink a hose 

Used to describe ones lack of skill in normally easy tasks. Like kinking a hose.
Friend one: Man, this guy is so stupid he's doesn't know how to make himself lunch.
Friend two: That guy can't even kink a hose.

with a hose 

Used to exaggerate an action further, usually following off a cliff. May or may not be said by one involved in the conversation.
A: You're so stupid.
B: Stupid.. like a fox!
C: Off a cliff!
B: With a hose!
with a hose by babaloulou May 22, 2004

bust a hose 

Hurry up and get to a bathroom, I need to bust a hose.
bust a hose by dom s December 24, 2007

works like a hose 

Performs the desired task very effectively.
This duct tape "works like a hose" at stopping the leak.
works like a hose by Joe Fuller January 11, 2009

You're bro's a hose. 

It is a literary term used to burn someone hotter than my mixtape. This term ascends beyond things like "Your mom gay" or "Your daddy a lesbian." I did it to my friend once. My friend has level 2 cancer.
Friend:"Wanna get a pizza?"
You:"You're bro's a hose."
Friend: *Dies