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Shut the hell up before I shove a cactus so far up your ass you'll have more pricks in your mouth than your father had on Pride's Month 

something that many, many people would like to tell people
"Shut the hell up before I shove a cactus so far up your ass you'll have more pricks in your mouth than your father had on Pride's Month," said little Jimmy "Damn, little Jimmy, you need to chill out," said his bully, getting out the gasoline and matches."

I'll ass you into next week

This phrase is used when a person is insulting another person. instead of I'll slap you into next week

National grab my ass and I'll break your hand day 

It's the same day as "national grab ass day", which someone defined as April 11th.
Basically if a guy grabs ass without consent, he's asking to get his hand broken.
boy who grabs my ass: I can do that because UD says it's national grab ass day

me, after I break his hand : and I broke your hand because it's also National grab my ass and I'll break your hand day

I'll shank your ass 

shank(adj) To cut in lower body, above hips, or in sides of chest. Weapon used to cut being a very stubby homemade knife made of easy to obtain items. When shanking, use fast blows.
Blan shanked Nart S. over and over.
No one can shank like Blan.
I'll shank your ass, nigga.
I'll shank your ass by Blan October 18, 2004

I'll Blade On Yo Mommas Ass 

The act of roller blading on ones mommas behind. Often used to offend someone or just to sound cool.
Ill blade down stairs, ill blade down rails. Shit ill blade on yo mommas ass. Fuck yall im goen bladen

I'll Put it your ass, like i put in your mum

This meaning is used for someone who want it to put in your ass, people who most commonly use this term really want it in the ass, the mum part is a way of saying the you have sexual relations with someone mother.
Someone: What are we going to do

You: I'll Put it your ass, like i'll put in your mum
Someone: OMG yess baby

I'll Put it your ass, like i put in your mum