Access card 

The State of Pennsylvania's form of a Welfare card. Naturally abused by most (not all, I'm sure a minority of those using it actually DO put it to the intended use), the Access card is a bitch for the rest of us. It always works out that some asshole on Welfare is right in front of you in the "8 Items or Less" checkout with potato chips, a case of motor oil, weave, ass loads of kool-aid, a box of rubbers (ironically), a Snickers bar, a case of toilet paper, and some milk. As if it wasn't bad enough that the ignorant bastard has more than 8 items, then they have to seperate the order into two orders...the Access order, and the <i>Pennsylvania Says 'Fuck You' Lazy Ass</i> order. So first comes the order paid in cash, which goes well. Then out comes the greenish-blue and yellow Access card! **stabs chest with car keys** So Captain 3-tooth swipes his card for the fourth time, and still a denial message. Why, you ask? Well Mr.DipShit didn't notice that he doesn't have shit on his card!!! It's over halfway through the month, what did he expect?

After holding up the checkout for 15 minutes, LaShaniqua gave up on the sixteenth swipe of her Access card and pulled out a Benjamin, got a receipt, and we all clapped.

Access card by Josh the Expo October 20, 2006