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what you doing tonight? 

When you have a retarded friend and you ask this they will say your mom.
Kid: What you doing tonight?

Kids retarded friend: Your mom.

Do you want chicken tonight? 

When a situation gets way to tence and you have to say something to break the ice!
Girl; I'm in love with you!
Guy; UHHHh.....
Girl: lowl- Do you want chicken tonight?

You Won't Get Stabbed Tonight

Common phrase issued by recently stabbed individual attempting to express his/her acceptance of the utter ridiculousness of the event, as well as the individuals predilection for raging so insanely hard that such events only serve to further legitimize the incredible rageability of said subject. In a sense, individual is expressing his/her belief that the second-person ("you") will not be able party as excessively or with as little regard for human life, to the extent that there is a possibility of receiving a stab wound.
"You don't think I won't just kill busch lights all day? I got stabbed last night. You won't get stabbed tonight."

If you don't like and subscribe this spider will be in your bed tonight 

Dislike if you hate this If you don't like and subscribe this spider will be in your bed tonight quote.
Like if your one of the HEATHENS that like it.
Youtuber: If you don't like and subscribe this spider will be in your bed tonight
Me: shut up bitch.

Can you feel the love tonight 

A song 'written' by Elton John and Tim Rice. Actually it's tune was copied from the national anthem of Mongolia, so Bilegiin Damdinsüren and Luvsanjambyn Mördorj should be mentioned in The Lion King end credits instead of Elton John.
And why the Mongolians stood up when Can you feel the love tonight was playing?

Your uncle tonight 

Being your uncle tonight is about the sexiest thing there is. When you want to be someones uncle tonight, you dream about holding them tight, touching their body, kissing, more touching. That's what being an uncle is all about. If there is anyone looking through your window when you're naked or when it's raining; that person probably wants to be your uncle, or he's just a pervert.
You're not a pervert if you want to be an uncle!
*It's raining and you're changing clothes*

Uncle: *Looks through the window*
You: Who tf are you?

Uncle: My baby love, you are a friendly girl.

You: Get the fuck out of here!

Uncle: I saw you at school today, and you were looking good.
You: I'm calling the police!

Uncle: I had a boner this morning, while the falling rain was falling down the window. I mastubated to you. I want to be your uncle tonight.
*uncle climbs in the window and begins holding you tight*