Titanic That Bitch
*Hallmarks of
Titanic-ing That Bitch*
• Overwhelming and uncontrollable squirting—like the Hoover Dam got its back blown out.
• Furniture flooding or displacement—if the bed hasn’t migrated two feet, you didn’t Titanic shit.
• Crying, shaking, or laughing post-
nut reactions—sometimes all three. At once.
• Towels deployed like FEMA relief.
• A full snack spread delivered like post-op care—electrolyte drinks, gummies, string
cheese, a popsicle,
maybe a Capri Sun.
• Nudity + hoodie combo—she’s naked except for your hoodie and the of what just went down.
• Unhinged laughter
mid-cleanup—she’s wading through it like a survivor, still dripping, pointing at the puddle like “look what you did.”
• You look around and realize: the bed’s soaked, the floor’s a crime scene, and the only thing intact is the outline of her ass on your soul. Blessed.
• At least one moment where someone says “I think we
broke the laws of physics.”
• The mutual agreement that you’re doing that shit again in 30 minutes.
• A statement like:
• “I don’t know what just happened”
• “I think I left my body.”
• “Did we just fuck through a portal?”
• “I saw my childhood bedroom”
• “I think my ancestors
clapped”
Example 1:
After I
Titanic’d That Bitch and the waters finally settled—pre-aftercare—we were both walking around like two unqualified museum employees trying to preserve the scene of a disaster. She’
s draped in a throw blanket, eyes glassy. I handed her a popsicle like it was CPR and said, ‘I think we need a mop.’She looked back and said, ‘
Nah, we need a lifeboat.’
Example 2:
Sex was the impact. Aftercare is the rescue mission. He’s got one arm around her like
Jack before the freeze.
She’s soaked, speechless, whispering, “What the
hell was that?” He’s like, “Ikr. That was fucking incredible. Oh—and btw—we’re definitely doing that again in like 30 minutes.” She looks at him and goes, “I think I’m in love.”
You didn’t just lay pipe—you launched a
wet-ass reenactment of a legendary historical event, and that is exactly how you Titanic that bitch
straight into a chokehold. Congratulations, you just ruined her for everyone else with your god-tier
dick. Now be a gentleman and hand her the hoodie.
