Tearjerking 

Masturbating while either crying or in a state of agony/depression.

Alec Baldwin was so devastated when his dog died that he began tearjerking violently in his bedroom.

Tearjerking by Carlmalone27 July 23, 2009

Tearjerking 

To tearjerk

tearjerking: to tearjerk, masturbate whilst crying.

Tearjerking by Backlit Villain October 16, 2008

telejerking

Portmanteau of "teleworking" and "jerking". This occurs when you have an office job that requires such little time and effort, that on snowy days when employees telework from home, you can have several jerk-off sessions while technically being paid.

Such jobs are usually only afforded to government employees and sometimes government contractors, since deadlines don't mean anything to their bosses and they will be paid regardless of performance.

Rick: I telejerked yesterday and today. How do you feel knowing that your tax dollars go to pay me for choking my chicken two times before lunch while looking at porn on my work computer? Yeah, and that conference call at 2? I was shitting while I was on the phone. Tomorrow will be my third consecutive day of telejerking due to the chain of command in my office being populated by spineless men who employee only college interns and sassy black ladies that literally contribute nothing to the ability of our government to function.

telejerking by DHS Employee February 14, 2014

tearjerkin 

To masturbate with your tears for lubrication. Possibly while drunk on Valentines Day.

After the constant heart crushing blows dealt to him by a certain surly woman, Gary decided to just stay home and do some tearjerkin.

tearjerkin by Half Asian Mike May 4, 2008

Tear-jerking 

The act of watching sad videos, reading sad stories, or thinking about sad events to force yourself to cry.

Person 1: Where is Maggie?
Person 2: She said she needed a good cry. She's probably tear-jerking.

Tear-jerking by MissLadySky June 20, 2016

tearjerkin 

To masturbate with your tears for lubrication. Possibly when drunk on Valentines Day.

After the constant heart crushing blows dealt to him by a certain surly woman, Gary decided to just stay home and do some tearjerkin.

tearjerkin by Chinese Mike January 10, 2009