Step 1) Fill enema bag with vodka or gin.
Step 2) Fill your sexual partner's anus with liquor enema, then sodomize him/her on an unbalanced wahsing machine.
Step 3) Hold martini glasses under partner's anus until they're completely filled with the shitty alcoholic liquid
Step 4) Stab some turd nuggets with some toothpicks, voila.
Brian was walking into Abercrombie and Fitch when he was overcome by the urge to poop. Brian asked the cashier to direct him to the nearest bathroom, but there were none. Brian was leaving to find a bathroom when he noticed an amazing pair of skinny jeans. He convinced himself he could hold it long enough to try them on. (KEEP IN MIND BRIAN WAS FREEBALLING) When he got them on he felt a pressure, the skinny jeans had him in a trance and he thought it was just a fart. He released it but it was not a fart but a shart / poop. He couldn't put them back or purchase them because at the register the cashiers fold your merchandise for you so he was forced to Shartlift them.
"Where do you work?"
"I'm at a small tech company in Palo Alto. We're losing money, our product is kinda spammy, and our CEO is a 25-year-old Tesla-driving douchebag. Your classic shartup. But hey, we have a pinball machine and free massages!"