Semi-Pro Football

A football league for people who won't let the dream of becoming a football star die. The word "pro" is misleading, since these people don't actually get paid to play football, and a lot of teams don't even have any real requirements for who they'll let play.

Also, it lets a bunch of 40 year-olds relive their high school glory years by trying pitifully to play a game that has long since passed them by.

Bill: Hey Rick, I heard Tony is playing Semi-Pro Football.

Rick: Yeah, that's pretty sad. He just won't let go of the fact that he sucked when he played in high school.

Bill: Oh I know. This is almost as sad as being a volunteer high school football coach.

Semi-Pro Football by Potato Sack January 10, 2009

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semi-pro football player

Not quite a professional football player. Semi pro football teams are made up of these fatties that used to play in high school, but have since let themselves go. On the field, they enjoy slamming their waists into one another with the secondary goal of moving a football shaped ball around. Off the field, they enjoy wearing extremely tight wife beaters that have the American Gladiators logo on them while wearing tiny shorts. They have to eat every thirty minutes, or they might lose weight, so they buy processed canned meats that smell terrible and snack away even at work.
When something funny is heard, the semi pro football player incorrectly repeats what he heard while laughing.
Semi pro football players enjoy company while using the bathroom, so if they spot someone of the same sex taking off his watch to go take a dump, the SPFP is almost sure to follow so that he can enjoy the flatulence of the co-dumper.
SPFPs also enjoy flinging crap around the bathroom stall, drawing a picture of it, and then telling everyone that "someone missed the seat in the bathroom." It is really the S.P.F.P. that did it, though, because it is hard to tell where the anus is when the buttocks has such a large surface area.

Ian: Is someone dragging a beached whale up the stairs?

X: AhhEEEE!! Thata sum loud thunderus nose in da stairwell

Josh: *opens stairwell door* Oh hey, guys! Sorry, I'm late. I had to "work out" because I'm a semi-pro football player.

semi-pro football player by Ianfection January 20, 2009

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funiosity

The art of being peculiar, but in an amusing fashion.

"Wow, look at that dog running on three legs"
- "Yeah, that sure is a funiosity"

funiosity by Supersonic Stevie November 23, 2007

Word of the Day on July 25, 2026

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Toe Rag

A toe rag was originally a foot wrapping used, since mediaeval times up until the mid-nineteenth century, to protect the foot from chafing by boots or shoes. As these were, quite literally, rags they weren’t usually washed, and so with use they became very smelly until they were thrown away. Because of the similarity in smell, toe rag also became the name applied to dried, salted cod or other things with a strong, unpleasant, fishy smell. It didn’t take that long before the name was applied to someone who was an obnoxious, unpleasant OIC.

1 “Socks! Those aren’t socks you smelly git, they’re toe rags!”
2 “What have you been cooking? Smells like toe rag!”
3 “I can smell ‘er fanny from ‘ere, proper toe rag.”
4 That Heale Malcolm is a right toe rag.

Toe Rag by AKACroatalin November 29, 2016

Word of the Day on July 24, 2026

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Eternity leave

When some resigns or retires from a job, they are on "eternity leave". This can also refer to someone who has passed away, especially someone who worked somewhere for a long time, retired/resigned, then passed away later.

Oh I'm sorry, you didn't know that Kelly is on eternity leave? She resigned and moved to Hawaii!

With regrets I would like to inform you that my boss is officially on eternity leave. I will never see or hear them again. Ever.

Eternity leave by LingDanc803 February 7, 2023

Word of the Day on July 23, 2026

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jody

The hypothetical man (often a sinister character who decided not to go to boot camp) that is doing your girlfriend/wife while you are on deployment overseas.

Ain't no use in goin home,
Jody's got your girl and gone.
Ain't no use in goin back,
Jody's got your Cadillac,
Ain't no use in feeling blue,
Jody's took your checkbook too.

jody by Sgt Apan March 31, 2006

Word of the Day on July 22, 2026

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girl grip

The ability girls and women have developed to hold several items at once in one hand. The skill has been developed due to the lack of pockets in women's clothing.

I thought she'd need multiple trips to carry her phone, keys, wallet, and Starbucks to her car since she needed the other hand to open the door, but she used her impressive girl grip to carry everything in one hand.

girl grip by SillyMilly33 July 31, 2023

Word of the Day on July 21, 2026

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