A medium length stick of wood (Oak or Cherry), used for dislodging large lumps of feces blocking a toilet. Kept outside (for obvious reasons), it is brought inside on those occasions where large amounts of pasta, bread, cheese and alcoholic beverage have been recently consumed, and are causing blockages to both bowels and plumbing.
"A Fake Friend" because a honest person called a Theodoric calls him that. In other words, he is a Fake Friend because some honest person calls them that without even meeting the person.