Skip to main content

Runner Guidelines

1. It is important to load up on carbohydrates 2-4 hours before a big run.
Try a breakfast of a bagel, a banana (good cramp-crusher), oatmeal, strawberries, and/or some orange juice.
But from now on, eat all of your breakfast runner-style.
Liquids are digested faster. So slop it in a blender, and smoothiefy it.
That way, no energy is wasted, and it's all about the run.

2. Don't forget to give yourself plenty of positive reinforcement.
Say to yourself things like:
This is gonna be your best run yet.
You're going to accomplish all of your goals.
You are a robot sent from the future to win the marathon.
It's go time.
This will be the performance of a lifetime.
It is on, till the break of dawn!
You are a live wire, a spark plug, a dynamo.
You are unstoppable, unbeatable, untouchable.
You are a relentless driving force.
You are a timeless powerhouse.
You will complete this run, come home, get in your big underpants, and take a nap.
Facial feedback and self-spoken support are key factors in fueling those tanks and charging up those batteries.

3. Chafing or blisters can occur in a number of areas, including the feet, armpits, and especially the nipple region.
Use petroleum jelly on the affected areas. This will relieve any irritated skin.

4. Remember the "Rest Day". Keep it holy.

5. Nose running like a waterfall or a faucet? A real gusher? Move others away from the spray zone, and snotrocket. Total jetstream. Just open the floodgates. Aim steadily, and fire.
I ran the New York City Marathon with helpful tips and pointers provided through the Runner Guidelines. You should totally check it out. It's Reader Recommended!
Runner Guidelines mug front
Get the Runner Guidelines mug.
See more merch

Foot prisons 

Socks. Annoying, sweat-causing, non-barefoot enducing, everyday socks.
The first thing I do when I take off my shoes, is rip off the foot prisons I had to wear inside them. That's why I prefer flip flops, even in winter!
Foot prisons by Jackalope Hunter December 13, 2022
Word of the Day on July 10, 2026

cornholio 

Ruler of Lake Titicaca. Rumored to have a bunghole that gets very angry if it does not receive toilet paper. Cornholio the Great is often seen walking around with his shirt over his head and his hands in the air, chanting songs about his power, and his bunghole.
"I am Cornholio! You do not want to face the wrath of my bunghole, for I need TP!"
Butthead: Shut up, Beavis! (uh huh huh huh)
Beavis: Um, okay. (heh heh heh heh).
cornholio by AYB July 20, 2003
Word of the Day on July 9, 2026

mickey mousing

In a movie, when the music is syncronized perfectly with the action, just like a mickey mouse cartoon.
Mickey mousing is used in the shower scene of Psycho
Word of the Day on July 8, 2026

Haram ball

A terrible style of football which is used to win games. Usually used when a team faces a better opponent and will get 11 players behind the ball.
Diego Simeone has mastered the art of haram ball. Atletico Madrid are the worst side to watch
Haram ball by Kuffarboy April 6, 2022
Word of the Day on July 7, 2026
excessive nice speech, the opposite of ragebaiting
adrian: i hope you have a nice day and never get sad!
enrique: joybait ❤️ 🩹🌹
Word of the Day on July 6, 2026

fudanshi 

Boys who enjoy yaoi (a genre in Japan that contains sexual and/or romantic relations between two men); literally translates to "rotten boy"; corresponding female : fujoshi
Alex blatantly displayed his fudanshi side to his friends.
fudanshi by Yuri Katsuki January 13, 2017
Word of the Day on July 5, 2026