1. A woman purchases a live lobster.
2. She inserts the tail into her vagina.
3. She burns the lobster's face (for maximum class, she uses the Virginia Slim she's currently smoking).
4. The agitated lobster will wiggle its tail, recreating the effect of a vibrator, albeit an oddly-shaped one.
After putting together her Hoosier Hysteria High School Baskteball puzzle, Erin retired for a relaxing evening of Virginia Slims and lobsterbation.
Bartholomew: Nah, I'd never get back with Kelly, even if she begged me.
Reginald: Really, dude? You had so much thirst last week.
Bartholomew: I finally lasturbated and now I don't need her. I even think she's kinda gross!
Bob: Oh hi, Mark! What's with the new chick? How did you manage to get over Stacy?
Mark: Lasturbation is the way, man.
Bob: Teach me, master.