Listen here, you twelve year old. Just because you found some "clever" thing over the internet doesn't mean you have to type it in. And if you found this without typing it in I apologize that you had to see such cringe.
Lana Backwards: A retarded joke used by children of the internet.
Billy The Minecraft Kid: Lel hey what's Lana Backwards?
While our lifespan is the number of years we will live, our healthspan is the number of healthy years we will have and our sexspan is is the number of years we will continue to be healthy enough to continue having an active sex life.
A lighthearted reaction upon receiving disappointing news of some sort. Usually something that isn't a particularly a big deal, esp. when it primarily affects someone else - sort of a mild schadenfreude. Sometimes doubled or tripled, and possibly said in a sing-songy voice for added comedic effect to imitate a muted trumpet, which is how the meme originated.