1. a declaration made by medical professionals and blowhards when faced with an illness they can't decode with a quick once over or basic blood
test. This conclusion is often reached once insurance benefits are maxed out, or even more rapidly if the
person is uninsured or has an HMO. By assuring the patient that he or she does not actually suffer from the symptoms they visibly see and feel, these doctors can dispense the coveted diagnosis of
crazy before moving on to the next obviously
crazy not-sick patient. This hypochondria declaration also helps distracted doctors maintain something sort of like integrity, because it's not like they didn't know or didn't try, and it's not that insurance companies
suck or that it's sometimes
hard to pinpoint a cause and treat it -- really, it's just the dirty, dirty patient's fault for being so darn kooky. Very similar to miserable women being perpetually diagnosed with hysteria back in the
day, except no one prescribes vibrators for treatment anymore.
2. the
default response of narcissists who consider those suffering illness inconvenient.
1. Well, antibiotics didn't work, so we've been thinking it must be all in your head. I'm writing you a prescription for hypochondria. Pfizer has been working on a
great formula for you. You might have heard of it, since the name is written on this pen I'm using. Now, I've got a tee time to make...
2. Even since I was diagnosed with hypochondria, the rash melting the
skin from the left side of my body has totally cleared. I'm really grateful to my doctor for noticing it was a
massive hallucination.
