Gutter Breeder

Scummy masses of oxygen consuming flesh with overactive reproductive systems that slink out from seasonal hibernation when temperatures consistently rise above 60 degrees. They then spend their time searching the gutters for a mate, copulate with as many partners as possible to ensure continuation of their species before slinking back to their nests to bear their young during the cold weather months. They have overpopulated both cities and the countryside. They generally do not mate for life and usually bear young from/with multiple other Gutter Breeders.

Be warned to use caution when approaching one in the wild, especially if they are participating in a mating ritual.

During this time, the female is usually spotted trying to attract a mate by donning spandex, ADIDAS slides and concealing prior offspring until a seasonal mate can be secured. Her hair may be bleached or a faded blue/green, although any color is possible, most likely with unattended roots.

Males involved in mating rituals can be identified by their pronounced gold chains and large bank roll of $1 bills. If you smell the overpowering scent of Axe body spray, you've entered the mating zone. Back away slowly without any sudden movements to avoid being mistaken for a potential mate.

"Well it's been sunny and 65 for the last three days. It's about time for gutter breeders to start roaming the streets of town in search of this year's mate. "

Gutter Breeder by J.Fo_570 May 9, 2023