Doghouse's Laws of Television  

Situations in respect of people and programmes on Television.

From observation, recognising that the general standard of television in my opinion has deteriorated and continues to do so year by year, so much so I now watch very little, I’ve found as far as the programme quality and content on all television channels, the following Doghouse's Laws of Television often apply.

I started compiling this list several years ago and some of these "laws" are now occasionally mentioned by contributors to a specific TV network message board, though of course they can apply to any channel.
I'm sure other contributors may relate to some of them and can think of other examples of practices which could be added to the list.


With a new programme, if your impression of it after ten minutes is that it's going to be rubbish, you’ll only be right 95% of the time.


The number of advance programme trails screened, will be in inverse proportion to the quality of the programme. The ”best bits” of any programme will be included in the trail.

The volume of background music will often be in inverse proportion to the amount of watchable activity on the screen at that time.


Any TV audience gets the standard of programmes it deserves. It’s no good complaining about the quality of a programme if you continue to watch it.

If an idea for a programme suggested to a TV network commissioning department isn’t another soap in one form or another, or requires an "in your face" presenter/auto-cutie, celebrities, judges, phone votes, or the inclusion of dysfunctional members of the public, it is unlikely to be made.

The number of programme presenters appearing at any one time, will usually be in inverse proportion to the quality of the programme.

The number and variety of similar programmes on TV, are likely to be in inverse proportion to their cost to present.

To reach the widest audience, in a programme where the subject is of a specific nature, it may include totally unrelated elements in an attempt to also “engage” viewers who aren’t the slightest bit interested in the actual topic, in a futile attempt to increase the ratings.

Some programmes, even a few news bulletins, given the level at which the programme makers pitch their production, should have the words; "for Dummies" added to the title.

If you've any doubts about watching a programme, from the trails or advertising you've seen, take a chance, give it a miss.

Doghouse's Laws of Television by Doghouse Riley November 2, 2008

dollhouse straight 

When your huge hand loses on the river because a straight is on the board.

I should have won that hand, but since the cards weren't shuffled, my pocket aces lost to the dollhouse straight.

dollhouse straight by MaBell October 28, 2005

Doghouse Special 

The first sit down meal between a couple following a falling-out, disagreement and/or argument where one party has clearly been in the wrong.

Oh, that guys having the doghouse special over there...

Doghouse Special by Dougy_18 July 17, 2011

Dollhouse 

A home that appears to be perfect, yet it's far from that.

"My home is like a dollhouse. My mum is always drunk. My dad is cheating. My brother always comes home stoned. But everyone thinks that we're perfect."

Dollhouse by trash_n.1 June 26, 2016

Dollhouse Roleplay 

roblox game where alot of emo, ro-gangsters, audio makers go into and start blasting their audios and find people to mic up with. The game is also a fun place to hangout in.

Yo let's go into Dollhouse Roleplay and find kids to mic up with.

Dollhouse Roleplay by daank January 14, 2021

Dollhouse 

1. A television show that airs on Fox

Dollhouse is an awsome show, created by J. Whedon. The show follows the lives of "dolls" or "actives", which are people that sign a five year contract to work for the dollhouse by having their personalities and memories erased, and then being 'imprinted' with new personalities and memories in order to fulfill the desires of the dollhouse's elite clients.

The show follows the lives of the some of the staff and the dolls (particularly echoe, sierra, victor, whiskey and alpha) as some of the dolls become self-aware and the ethical and doomsday-like effect of the "wiping and imprinting" technology.

The "wiped" dolls are kept in the dollhouse, with no memories, walking around aimlessly and exercising. After their first wipe, dolls are given a name, that coincides with the military alphabet (alpha, bravo...delta, echo, foxtrot, etc)

The show was canceled after two seasons, however, it has a somewhat "proper" ending because production was given advanced notice.

2. A miniature play-house where (usually) little girls play with their various dolls

1.0 Marco has always had a dominatrix fetish, so he hired an active from the dollhouse to fulfill his fantasies.
1.1 Bill Clinton is having a baby with Star Summers, and to keep it a secrete, they had a doll programmed to serve a midwife, and doctor.
1.2 Daniel's wife died. Every year on the anniversary of her death, he has a doll programmed with his wife's personality and they spend the day together.

***
2.0 Suzy got a dollhouse for her Birthday, now she has a home for all her barbie dolls!

Dollhouse by foxtrot8 February 13, 2010

welcome to the dollhouse 

a 1996 film Directed by Todd Slondz about an unhappy New Jersey suburban Jewish chick. She is the kind of ugly girl who would be pretty if she attempted to use those products girls are always using to look good. Everyone at her middle-school gives her a hard time. Her name is Dawn. Dawn ends up befriending a bully named Brendan. Brendan is pure trailer trash. He calls dawn A Cunt. Dawn deals with everything well. Great movie you should watch it.

Welcome to the dollhouse portrays the epitome of suburban hell

welcome to the dollhouse by the kid from San Francisco July 7, 2006