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Dirty Lamb Chop 

The Dirty Lamb Chop is when someone draws a puppet on their hand before masturbating so it is more like a lonely mans blow job instead. The term is coined from the sock puppet sheep Lamb Chop. If preferred this can be performed with the puppet being drawn on a sock with a hole in it. The sock version is the preferred version of Canadians, Eskimos, and Santas Elves. For those that prefer anal this can be performed with a handful of crunchy peanut butter and should be referred to as the Grandpa Mudcat named after a different puppet show, the Muppets.
Man I would really like to get a blow job tonight but it looks like i'll have to settle for a Dirty Lamb Chop.

Get rid of your stiffy, buy some Jiffy and have yourself a Grandpa Mudcat.
Words you can keep

dirty lamb chop side burns 

The term 'dirty side burns' originated in the porn industry, particularly films involving ass-to-mouth (ATM) action. It describes the intentional act of leaving a shit 'lamb chop side burns' on a partner's face by the dude taking his cock out of his partners ass and slapping it back and forth across her face without wiping it off first. The result is that as the dick is slapped across her cheeks, shit it comes to rest on his partners face in a 'lamb chop side burns" configuration.
After he fucked her in the ass, he smacked his dick back and forth across her face, giving her dirty lamb chop side burns.
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