College essays

(noun, pl.) A completely masturbatory work of high school fiction, used by college admissions officials as psyops tests in order to evaluate your personality. These, on college applications, are better left blank, so long as your GPA, SAT, and other tests are in your advantage. Otherwise, sarcastic embellishment is usually required, in the form of a Hail Mary Pass.

Tom: So, how did you do on your college applications?
Michael: Great! I got accepted at all four of my picks, plus the University of Miami, and I didn't even apply there!
Tom: Wow! What did you write for your College essays? I couldn't think of anything but massive bullshit.
Michael: Oh, that's okay. They prolly didn't even read yours. I left all of mine blank, and they didn't care.
Tom: Well, you were a great student.
Michael: It's okay for you though, you just need to choose a less exclusive major.

College essays by ssppuunn January 25, 2014

College essays

This is the point in your life where you pour the largest amount of bullshit you can muster into a paper. And then send it to colleges.

Senior 1: Hey dude you started on your college essays?
Senior 2: Yeah I don't even wanna read it over man it's such pure bullshit
Senior 1: Yeah man me too dude let's just get this shit done over with

College essays by AKewlName October 20, 2013

college essay 

An essay where highschoolers have to boast about how awesome they are in order to get into the colleges they want. The harder they boast the more likely they'll get accepted.

Average college essay: I think that I'm capable of of becoming a college student because I'm a hard worker. I played JV tennis and put in a lot of effort while playing. I have a 3.2 gpa and worked hard to pass all of my classes in order to graduate. I have the capability of working hard no matter what.

Harvard college essay: I invented a cure for Cancer, Aids, and Gonorrhea. I helped rebuild an entire village in Africa in under 2 weeks. I'm the president in 12 different clubs and have been for over 2 years. I scored a 36 on the ACT and got 5's on all of the 10 AP classes I took. I'm also running a small solar panel business and am helping to save the environment. I've won the National robotics tournament 3 times and am the face of robotics. I'm the best at everything. I'M A GOD!!!

college essay by Dubiks October 25, 2018

College Essay 

Something that colleges make you write in an college application in order to get a better picture of you. However, college essays take up a huge bulk of one's time due to the sheer number of them one has to do. Therefore they are the most evil thing in the world...like really, they're hell.

Joe: Hey Julie, you want to go out wit' me tonight?

Julie: No thanks Joe, I have to write FIVE COLLEGE ESSAYS AND THE DUE DATES ARE TOMORROW UGHHH!!!!

College Essay by Jsybird2 December 20, 2008

College essay 

a Mexican dude who is fortunate enough to attend school after grade 12

Jose may have been a big man on campus in high school, but here at UCLA he's just another college essay.

College essay by e-tabbb October 31, 2013

jerb 

well known from south park
rednecks get angrry that future folk took there jobs so they yell
They took ouare jerbs!

Them future folk took ouare jerbs!

jerb by Jimberley Kim April 7, 2005

Cheeks 

An Irish phrase meaning shit, derived from ass
(Not to be confused with the literal description of one's buttocks)

"Did you hear the song Aylek$ dropped?"
"Hardly. Her music is absolute cheeks."

"My boyfriend say LaFlame is cheeks."
"Tell your boyfriend I said it's his mixtape that's cheeks."

Cheeks by thecartisan April 26, 2020