Breastaliser 

A drunkeness test that can be used on men, which is much cheaper than a breathaliser. All you need to do to judge how much he's had to drink is to get a girl with large boobs to ask him a question and then see how long it takes him to look up at her face and answer.

1 second is normal
2 seconds is about 3 pints
3 or more is hammered

"Dude, you look a bit drunk, I think I'd better drive."

"Nah, don't be stufid, I'm prefectly okydoke to, um, drive."

"No way man I'd better use the breastaliser on you. Michelle, get your ass over here!"

Breastaliser by Wingy August 1, 2006

breastalyzer test 

A test conducted, usually by males, to examine the level of voluptuousness of a female's breast. As of the 28th of November in the year of 2012, a woman, at any time, must submit to this examination upon request by a male.

Female: Charlie gave me a breastalyzer test last night
Male: Is that legal?
Female: Yes, as of November 28, 2012 it became law in the United States.

breastalyzer test by BillCrocket December 5, 2012

breastalizer 

one who blows on someone's nipple

Steve: Did you hear what Nicole did at the party?
John: no

Steve: she got so drunk she used becky as a breastalizer

breastalizer by flowergirl8 September 16, 2011