Condom

Prevention from future problems.

Gets a call from a woman. Woman: Hello... Remember the night 9 months ago?
Man: No?
Woman: We had sex...
Man: Aaah... Nice. So you want to do it again?
Woman: The reason why I am calling is to tell you that you have a son.
Man: I am pretty sure I would have known if I had a son, and I guarantee you that I don't have one.
Woman: Enough jokes, funny guy. Your son came out of my stomach last night.
Man: What? But I always use a condom when I have sex... How is that possible?
Woman: Are you saying our son wasn't wanted? You even said you loved me and that you wanted to marry me.
Man: I must really have been drunk that night.
Woman: Get ready to pay child support.
*man shoots himself*

by ad diction August 17, 2012

Condoms

The thin pieces of rubber that make life enjoyable.

jonny: daddy, what are condoms?

Dad: son, condoms can break

by ilyHudy June 12, 2010

Condom

A very useful invention that is used by responsible people in an attempt to protect oneself from unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmited diseases. Usually feel like you are "being intimate" with a plastic bag between the parteners

"Did you hear," Scott didn't wear a condom and he got Sarah pregnant!"

by ss_cope July 11, 2008

Condoms

Something we need in order to not become pregnant

Boy-Baby how are you pregnant oh wait it's because we didn't use a condoms

Girl- because we didn't use a condom

by Xmsbrightsidex December 25, 2014

Condom

Something that might've killed you years and years ago

Father: I wish i used a damn condom, Now i have a mistake right infront of me.

by My big black ass August 10, 2017

Condom

Ending world hunger one load at a time.

I knew I should have bought those condoms! Damn kids are hungry again.

by free_writer15 December 26, 2013

Condoming

To use a condom in manner that does not involve blocking sperm from getting to the egg. This could involve any way of creatively exploring the many uses of a condom including, but not limited to hot air balloons, dental dams, water fights, bag stuffing, suffocation, throwing in a humorous manner, sliding under the door of a person's room while they are getting it on - super on, using as throwing stars, socks, garden gloves, food storage, the thing that holds that goldfish from the fair - but dies anyway, etc. Superman has the ability to spray them out of his eyes (one of his less widely known abilities), thus creating a wall of impermeable substance that flusters his enemies to the point of premature ejaculation. All of this falls under the category of Condoming.

Damn you Superman and your condoming capabilities! My pants are now soiled beyond repair and my reputation with the fabled female is even worse off than it was before.

by Don Alejandro Castello October 05, 2009