Jesus

The greatest man who ever lived. About 2000 years ago he was born in Bethlehem to a woman named Mary and when he grew up he started the Christian religion. He taught the Jews of that day and soon he was delivered by some men who hated him to the Romans and was Crucified. While dying he took all of our sins on him so that God could forgive anyone of us who believes on Him. But he didn't stay dead after three days in the grave he rose again and after some final instructions to his 12 disciples he ascended into heaven and lives there preparing a place for anyone who will receive him. Here's how to receive him. Pray this prayer "Lord Jesus I am a sinner I thank you for dying for my sins I believe you were enough please save my soul In your name I pray amen" If you prayed this prayer and mean it you are saved.

Jesus friend of sinners.

by djbeard December 17, 2017

Slim Jesus

Funniest looking fucker in the rap game, claims to be hood as fuck in his music videos (bragging about his "gang" and guns), yet in an interview shortly after Drill time he said he's legit as fuck and doesn't do anything illegal, but talks about his friend nearly going to prison, which doesn't count for fuck all

"Fam, look at this kid called Slim Jesus"

"Oh my days fam, he looks like he's called Skittles"

by BrickBreakerKdon November 20, 2015

fart of jesus

Thought to have been named after the actual farts that the Lord Jesus Christ was reported to have made on many occasions. A fart having a fragrant aroma not disimilar to that of summer berries with a hint of coriander and wood smoke.

Mmmm, smells like the fart of jesus.

by Shawn Hampton October 22, 2008

jesus horses

According to Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update team (Jimmy Fallon and Tiny Fay), "jesus horses" are defined in the following excerpt: "A Supreme Court in Geaorgia ruled that high school biology teachers were permitted to continue using the term 'evolution' when teaching their classes. However as a compromise, they must now refer to dinosaurs as 'jesus horses'."

My son Timmy loves to learn about jesus horses. His favorite jesus horse is the T-Rex.

by duckhunter24 August 16, 2004

Wet Jesus

When a woman drags her hand across her wet vagina, and smacks you in the face with it.

Damn dude, I tried putting it in her ass. that bitch turned around and gave me a Wet Jesus.

by <R><K> June 22, 2007

Jesus Beaver

Obnoxiously innocent, highly religious and curious girls who flirt incessantly, but don't ever, ever put out.

Ever.

Joe: "Hey John did you see Courtney over there kissing Kelly?"
John: "Yea man, they're horny as shit, and thats why I'm here!"

Joe: "Good luck man, thats some Jesus Beaver right there. You don't have a chance."

by Beaverfucker!!!! February 1, 2009

Sweet Jesus

The "Holy Shit!" reaction you get when you scare the crap out of someone (or your pet cat).

Sweet Jesus! Where in the hell did that come from!

by slavens (slave-ens) October 26, 2004