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How Christians Read the Bible

By presupposing it's truth and then create a narrative that is parallel to the text and then accepting this adjacent narrative AS TRUTH... Regardless of what the text actually says.
Hym "And then what they do is believe the narrative that is constructed around the text... In spite of the FACT that it is a manifestation of their own mind. So, it doesn't matter WHAT YOU SAY... As long as the conclusion is that the religion is both true and good. And it looks something like this:

Dr. JeepJorp "Flabbity florbity flip flop! Everyone KNOWS that flabbity florbity flip flop and that = the Bible true and good!"

Sheeple "Hey! I'm everyone! You're right! I know that, I mean, come on. Do you think I don't know that flabbity florbity flip flop? Everyone know it!"

Hym "And that's how Christians read the Bible."
by Hym Iam June 14, 2024
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read that again

A sentence used by pro-Palestinians on X (formerly Twitter) when they see shocking news about the 2023 Israel-Hamas war that pisses them off.
Israel thinks Hamas = Palestine. Read that again.
by Itz KittyPinkiez June 21, 2024
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Thomas Crewe-Read

Stupid bitch with weird teeth and weird hair that likes to watch small children. He often goes to state school playgrounds in recess with a high-zoom camera and films them going down the slide. He likes it deep.
Parent 1: “Thomas Crewe-Read is here! Fucking protect your kids

Parent 2: “Damn straight, ni, get that creepy bastard fat 🥷🏿 out of this shithole!”
by SlipperySloshy January 16, 2023
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Gossip Read

Used when relating possibly non-factual information you read somewhere.
I gossip read that the Microsoft layoffs are mostly in the marketing department.
by HeyEbeth January 18, 2023
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Sandwich-reading

The process of reading the first and last chapter of a book, and then writing an essay about what you think the books insides are.

Educated guesswork using online summary sources are also a viable method of completing sandwich-reading.
I didn't read that book. I was only sandwich-reading it to make sure key points got introduced. I couldn't read the whole thing since I was too busy.
by Somegregoryguy January 23, 2023
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read the article

three words commonly used as cannon fire against someone who didn't read the article, and you feel the need to destroy them because you're a vengeful bitch.
Tom: Steven Tyler is innocent until proven guilty. Too many celebs getting railroaded or canceled because of these accusations!

Kelli: well, like, duh. Like, if you would just read the article, you'd know that he admitted to it in his autobiography!
by GG Allin February 2, 2023
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you cant read the brat

It's when the khias think they can read BDSBRATXO.. and they cant!
"baby, you cant read the brat"
by bdsbratxo March 30, 2025
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