cock monkey

See also: prick, dick, twat, arse monkey, cock meister, cock gobbler.

An idiot of immense proportion, usually amazingly arrogant and annoying.

Also used affectionately.

Insult: (Spills your pint while dancing like a epileptic making toast in the bath) "You fookin' cock monkey!"

Affec: (You best mate shows you a polaroid of him teabagging you) "Aahhh, yah cock monkey!"

by Gregatron September 23, 2003

shaved monkey sex

a sexual practice involving shaving all body hair below neck, lubing up the whole body, and screwing on a waterbed without sheets.

we were having shaved monkey sex last night when he bed sprung a leak.

by minghi May 17, 2003

porch monkey

a derogatory way of describing an person of African decent

hey porch monkey--you got the money you owe me for the crack rock I sold you?

by charlie December 9, 2003

Monkey Parachute School

One of the lost Bert Reynolds movies. Made early in his career the film is based on a true story of how the British trained monkeys as bombers during the second world war. The monkeys used to have explosives either strapped to them or around their necks. They would parachute out of a plane, land on enemy soil and them run into bunkers and buildings before setting off the bombs. It was seen as a key strategy in the British removing several men of power in Berlin.

The film stars many young actors and Bert Reynolds appearance as a pilot is short lived (he ends up being mashed by a jet engine). The film failed to make any mark at the cinemas and has been restricted to late night television showings on small satellite channels. The film is famous for the lack of one important thing.. Bert Reynolds doesn't have his mustache in it!

Bert: Monkeys! What the sodding hell do they know about parachutes.
Capt. England: More than a washed up fighter pilot.

by Jessop August 8, 2005

Slapping the monkey

British slang for masturbation

John- *fap fap fap*
Bill- hey... what are you doing
John- Not slapping the monkey if thats what you think

by Shamingo June 18, 2011

monkey bump

The hardened raised area of a severe blow. Usually administered with the middle knuckle of a fist. Common amoung siblings.

When aggravated Jon would inflict one hell of a monkey bump!

by [e-mail] September 25, 2004

Lemme pull up to your bumper and smack that monkey

In, nonebonical terms, i would like to make love to you.

Damn, bitch u stupid fly, lemme pull up to your bumper and smack that monkey.

by Jeff January 12, 2004