only when I'm pregnant

A male person's definitive "never" response. Puts to rest the relentless drunk friend-of-friend who tries to force you into a flase confession.

Drunk FoF: "Dude, would you ever consider nailing Snooki?"
Dude: "No."
Drunk FoF: "Not even if your were drunk?"
Dude: "Never."
Drunk FoF: "Even if you're drunk, horny, and she's playing with your balls?"
Dude: "Only when I'm pregnant."

by The Evil Steve November 16, 2011

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Plan When To Post

Timing/postponing an udate on a social network in such a way that one will maximize exposure to it, and as such maximize responses to it. In other words, when one gets an idea for a funny/interesting/deep facebook status one must make sure that one posts it at a time when most people are bored at home and likely to see it and comment on or like it. It is also important to be sure that this update does not coincide with another significant event (major sporting/political/popular culture events) because then one's post will be lost in the multidude of mundane and banal posts reporting the outcome of the significant event.

1.
Guy: "Dude, I just got the funniest idea ever! I'm tweeting it right now!"

Dude: "No Guy, it's Saturday night. Everyone's gonna be out partying and getting wasted, so noone will see your tweet. You've gotta plan when to post. Tomorrow morning at 10 will be a good time, when everyone's in bed, hungover, and online because they don't wanna get up."

Guy: "Woah, you speak true, dude."

2.
Guy: "Ohmigawd! I just realised the meaning of life! Updating Facebook status right now!!"

Dude: "No no no! Plan when to post! The final match of the soccer world cup is starting in 10 minutes. Noone's gonna give a shit about Facebook right now, and after the match everyone's gonna be making statuses gloating about how their team won, or complaining if theirs lost. You'll have to give it a day if you want humanity to benefit from your wisdom."

Guy: "Dude, you're so wise!"

by Giant Ginger Medicine Man June 26, 2012

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Related Words

Whensday • whenst • whens the next olympics? • whensana • whensean • Whensick • Whensley • Whenslie • whensonever • whenstever

cereal when haves milk

that moment when the milk contains cereal

wow that a big sex poop cereal when haves milk

by cheese eat February 12, 2019

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The Whetsell Effect

When your math teacher teaches you a new equation, than teaches it to you in reverse.

Teacher: And that’s how you solve these new problems.
Me: Uhh! How could this get any worse!
Teacher: Now let’s do it in reverse!
Me: Crap! The Whetsell Effect is the worst!

by Damp_bread April 25, 2019

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