Jesus Jail

Being trapped with your family because of a Christ-related holiday. Most typically Christmas.

Chris: "Hey, are we playing Halo tomorrow night?"
John: "I wish. Tomorrow's Christmas Eve so I'll be stuck in Jesus Jail."

by Clover101 January 23, 2011

Jesus Dick

Getting an erection after busting, and your penis "died" but rises again.

"Man, I had already came twice, but I looked at that booty again and got Jesus dick."

by TheLittleEngine October 28, 2015

Raptor Laser Jesus

It is essentially Raptor Jesus with a mounted helmet laser.

Did you see that!?

See what?

Raptor Laser Jesus!

You mean Raptor Jesus?

*FaicPalm*

by HeilRapJesus69 September 9, 2010

raving with jesus

Overdosing on club drugs etc., therefore dying and going to heaven to roll with Jesus.

- I told Julie not to do that last line.
- It's OK, man. She's raving with Jesus now.

by hayzeussss January 7, 2011

Jesus Eyes

1) Eyes that are slightly glazed over and wide.
-Enlarged pupils but not red
-Could be mistaken as being on drugs.
-Usually associated with a blinding white smile.

2) Judgmental tolerance; superficial
-Tend to be flight attendants, members of choir groups and owner's of craft-stores.
-Support Prop 8, wear pearls and look like Stepford Wives.

Is she stoned or is she so fake that she has Jesus Eyes ?

by Al Harwin March 31, 2009

jesus h christ

Owns the taco stand down the street. He would like people to stop asking him to cure their blindness. Even though his named is spelled the same as Jesus Son of God it pronounced hay-zoos. His middle inital is Hector. His father owns a garage and his mother is a nurse. He has two younger brothers.

jesus h christ make the best tacos, but he still wont cure my blindness

by ifky302 January 3, 2008

Fuck me Jesus

(1) A really bad turn of events. In addition to the established 'Fuck me' which denotes a bad turn of events, 'Fuck me Jesus' emphasizes a greater deal of anguish and bad luck, some would say on a biblical level. The beginnings of a holy shitfest.

(2) A girl making love to someone named Jesús (Spanish) and can't get over the fact that his name in English is Jesus.

Dude 1: "Hey, are we OK with the math exam? Does someone know we had a copy beforehand?"

Dude 2: "You are fucking kidding me, right?! Didn't you hear they caught us on the security cameras sneaking into the teacher's room."

Dude 1: "Oh! Damn! Fuck me Jesus!"

by maxi215 September 7, 2012