A variant on the famous "Schrodinger's Cat" thought exercise, which questions the living or dead status of a cat locked in a box with a randomly-released toxic gas.
In a Schrodinger's Crap situation, a form of uncertainty principle is applied to certain types of bowel movements which defy pre-emergence classification. It is impossible to accurately predict their state until after it has emerged, by which point it is too late.
Parameters:
1. Something in your rectum is trying to get out.
2. It will be a solid, or a liquid, or a gas. And no other. (No plasmas, etc.)
3. If its final state is gaseous, you can liberate it with minimal concern.
4. If it is either liquid or solid, it will require further steps for successful disposal.
The paradox lies in the fact that the exact state of a Schrodinger's Crap cannot be accurately deduced before opening the system to observation. But opening the system to observation is fatal to the system's continued existence, as the toxic gas is already released. Followed to its logical extreme, the Schrodinger's Crap theory posits that the contents of the system are ALL OF: a solid, a liquid, and a gas - simultaneously.
(Note: the word "uncertainty" also has the word "taint" in it. Coincidence? I think not.)
In a Schrodinger's Crap situation, a form of uncertainty principle is applied to certain types of bowel movements which defy pre-emergence classification. It is impossible to accurately predict their state until after it has emerged, by which point it is too late.
Parameters:
1. Something in your rectum is trying to get out.
2. It will be a solid, or a liquid, or a gas. And no other. (No plasmas, etc.)
3. If its final state is gaseous, you can liberate it with minimal concern.
4. If it is either liquid or solid, it will require further steps for successful disposal.
The paradox lies in the fact that the exact state of a Schrodinger's Crap cannot be accurately deduced before opening the system to observation. But opening the system to observation is fatal to the system's continued existence, as the toxic gas is already released. Followed to its logical extreme, the Schrodinger's Crap theory posits that the contents of the system are ALL OF: a solid, a liquid, and a gas - simultaneously.
(Note: the word "uncertainty" also has the word "taint" in it. Coincidence? I think not.)
HMB: Dude, you're walking funny.
HDT: I can't help it. I feel like I wanna fart, or maybe take a dump. But I can't figure out if I'm going to "gamble and lose". I feel like I'm touching cloth.
APLR: Wait, I have an answer. Your digestive system is entirely described by a single state function, "psi". For every observable, "A", there is a corresponding Hermitian Operator, "A^". The result of measuring "A" must be an eigenvalue of "A^". If such an operator has eigenvalue "a" and corresponding eigenstate "phi", then the probability of measuring "a" is the positive value of ("phi"|"psi") all squared. If the result of a measurement of "A" is "a", then the state of the system changes to the eigenstate "phi". Between measurements, "psi" evolves according to the Time-Dependent Schrodinger Equation.
HMB: ...
HDT: ...
APLR: What this means in layman's terms is that the state of your bowel movement cannot be independently observed without opening the system and releasing toxic gases. You have a Schrodinger's Crap situation.
HDT: ... and now I am touching socks.
HDT: I can't help it. I feel like I wanna fart, or maybe take a dump. But I can't figure out if I'm going to "gamble and lose". I feel like I'm touching cloth.
APLR: Wait, I have an answer. Your digestive system is entirely described by a single state function, "psi". For every observable, "A", there is a corresponding Hermitian Operator, "A^". The result of measuring "A" must be an eigenvalue of "A^". If such an operator has eigenvalue "a" and corresponding eigenstate "phi", then the probability of measuring "a" is the positive value of ("phi"|"psi") all squared. If the result of a measurement of "A" is "a", then the state of the system changes to the eigenstate "phi". Between measurements, "psi" evolves according to the Time-Dependent Schrodinger Equation.
HMB: ...
HDT: ...
APLR: What this means in layman's terms is that the state of your bowel movement cannot be independently observed without opening the system and releasing toxic gases. You have a Schrodinger's Crap situation.
HDT: ... and now I am touching socks.
by HMB September 13, 2009
Get the Schrodinger's Crap mug.A hypothetical cat that is simultaneously dead and alive because we don't know whether the nuclear particle has decayed or not, releasing the trigger that kills the cat. Used as an example that quantum mechanics is completely absurd when we look at it from a mundane perspective.
by inquilinekea July 3, 2005
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When a woman takes two pregnancy tests with one coming up positive and the other negative. Until the woman can visit the doctor, she's both pregnant and not pregnant at the same time creating the comparison with Schrodinger’s Cat.
Kirsty: Great, two pregnancy tests with different results. I have Schrodinger’s Pregnancy here, baby and no baby at the same time.
by WatcherMark May 23, 2019
Get the Schrodinger’s Pregnancy mug.When someone says something and based on the reaction of others will claim their previous statement to be sarcastic.
Phill: i think your an idiot
Rob: didn't you fail your GCSEs
Phill: jesus i was being sarcastic
Rob: i think this is a bit of schrodinger's sarcasm
Rob: didn't you fail your GCSEs
Phill: jesus i was being sarcastic
Rob: i think this is a bit of schrodinger's sarcasm
by Scat_lord May 29, 2020
Get the Schrodinger's sarcasm mug.When I bit into the burrito it was scalding hot, but when I finished the burrito it was still frozen. This happens every time no matter what side you bite into with Schrödinger's burrito.
by Master Chank April 14, 2020
Get the Schrödinger's burrito mug.a joke that’s both joking and not joking depending on how the recipient takes it
like a “jk…unless” situation
like a “jk…unless” situation
by marchrun February 2, 2022
Get the Schrodinger’s Joke mug.Two people decide to hang out without specifically calling it a date. If nothing comes of it, you frame it as just two people hanging out together. If you end up dating, however, you would both point to this event as your first date.
During the Schrodeninger's Date itself, its status in indeterminate. But afterwards when you look back at the event, you can determine what it truly was.
This is derived from the famous Schrödinger's Cat thought experiment in physics. But this has greater opportunity for sexing.
During the Schrodeninger's Date itself, its status in indeterminate. But afterwards when you look back at the event, you can determine what it truly was.
This is derived from the famous Schrödinger's Cat thought experiment in physics. But this has greater opportunity for sexing.
Person: "Andi, was that a first date last night?"
Andi: "I don't know, it was a Schrödinger's Date. He just said that he was bored and wanted to see a movie. I'm not super interested, but if he wanted to go out, I wouldn't mind it and we had a really good time and we'll have to see what comes of it."
vs
Person: "Jase, how was your Schrödinger's Date last night?"
Jason: "It was great, but now we're going to a hockey game this afternoon and then dinner with her parents tonight. I'm pretty sure that's was officially our first date.
Andi: "I don't know, it was a Schrödinger's Date. He just said that he was bored and wanted to see a movie. I'm not super interested, but if he wanted to go out, I wouldn't mind it and we had a really good time and we'll have to see what comes of it."
vs
Person: "Jase, how was your Schrödinger's Date last night?"
Jason: "It was great, but now we're going to a hockey game this afternoon and then dinner with her parents tonight. I'm pretty sure that's was officially our first date.
by SlaveChild October 28, 2010
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