WatcherMark's definitions

Silent retreat

You've had a night out, you got drunk and went home with someone to their place. Sex was had and you went to sleep happy, satisfied and wasted.

You wake up the next day and suddenly realise what you did. Full of regret (for whatever reason), you then try to make a silent retreat so last night's partner doesn't notice you leaving and ask any awkward questions (like "can I call you?")

Henry: It felt so right at the time, me and Sarah had this huge argument, this girl was all over me and pretty soon we're back at her place.

Eddie: Oh geez...
Henry: Yeah. I wake up next morning to find myself next to this complete stranger lying asleep and text messages from Sarah telling me how sorry she is.
Eddie: What did you do?
Henry: Make a silent retreat. Last thing I needed was her asking me for my number.

by WatcherMark May 23, 2019

Heart of the Cards

The idea that an inanimate object can someone provide you with exactly what you need at exactly the right time.

The term comes from the popular Japanese anime/toy advert Yu-Gi-Oh, which centres around a card game played by the titular hero. Often when playing, Yu-Gi-Oh will call on the Heart of the Cards to provide him with the precise card(s) he needs to win the game, which it somehow usually does.

Doug: (thinks during a poker game) I have three queens and a jack. If I believe in the Heart of the Cards, the deck will provide me with the jack I need.
(Doug pulls a two)
Doug: DAMMIT

by WatcherMark September 19, 2019

Schrodinger’s Pregnancy

When a woman takes two pregnancy tests with one coming up positive and the other negative. Until the woman can visit the doctor, she's both pregnant and not pregnant at the same time creating the comparison with Schrodinger’s Cat.

Kirsty: Great, two pregnancy tests with different results. I have Schrodinger’s Pregnancy here, baby and no baby at the same time.

by WatcherMark May 23, 2019

Shower Cry

When, after putting up a brave front towards others, a person will end up crying while taking a shower (since no-one will be able to hear them).

Jade: I know it's been a difficult day for everyone but we've got through it. Now I'm off for a shower.
Sylvia: Going for a Shower Cry?
Jade: Pretty much.

by WatcherMark May 12, 2019

Gatekeeping

A word used to describe when someone sets a standard/limit on what someone must do to call themselves a 'true fan' of something/someone.

Joe: So what TV shows do you like?
Erin: Well, I'm a huge fan of Doctor Who. I also...
Joe: Doctor Who? I LOVE that show. When did you start watching.
Erin: Back in 2005 when the show was restarted.
Joe: Ah, you see, I was watching the classic series long before then. You can't really call yourself a true fan.

Erin: But I have a ton of the merchandise, and I've met David Tennant...
Joe: Oh, you're a fan definitely but not a proper fan. We've been there since long before the BBC revived the show.
Ted: Dude, stop gatekeeping the show. A fan is a fan. You don't need to set a standard.

by WatcherMark October 27, 2018

Midnight snack

Used to describe a situation where someone will get out of bed in the middle of the night (despite the title, any time between bedtime and sunrise would be considered 'midnight' in this case) in order to have a quick bite to eat. This could be for any reason; the person may be hungry, or not tired, or just really craving a specific item of food. The snack is usually followed with the person immediately returning to bed.

Bill: You ok man?
Dave: Yeah, just couldn't get to sleep last night. I was really hungry for some reason.
Bill: What did you do?
Dave: Went downstairs, had a midnight snack and went back to bed. Felt better and got to sleep.

by WatcherMark May 23, 2019

Walking in on yourself

A term used to describe when a person suddenly realises what a mistake probably making by asking "What are you doing?" to themselves as if they'd just walked in to witness themselves acting this way.

Tim: I just had a moment of clarity, you know, I woke up. It's like... you know when you have an orgasm on your own? You know, you're sort of lying on the sofa watching some porn movie you bought on a drunken lonely night in Soho, and you're lying there and everything's going really great, you're getting totally turned on by these absurdly graphic images, everything seems so right, and suddenly - phht! Bingo! You wake up. And you're lying there sweating, desperately looking for the tissue which you know is still in your pocket, and the remote control which is somewhere on the floor, and it's like walking in on yourself, you know? It's just like "What're you doing?" That's how I felt tonight feeling my heart miss a beat everytime the door opened. "What the fuck are you doing?"

by WatcherMark January 14, 2019