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Cranking

The act of crying and wanking (masturbation)at the same time.
This term comes from 'Ye Olde English' originating from the reign of King Henry VIII and his desperation in not being able to produce a male heir to carry on the Tudor dynasty. It was discovered by a lowly servant who stumbled upon the King in floods of tears and covered in copious amounts of semen. This information was a state secret until 2007 when it was released under Freedom of Information Act.
'Last night I watched Hugh Grant in Love Actually it was a performance of a lifetime it touched me in so many ways I just had to have a crank'
'Every since I heard my Mum and Dad had died in a horrible dolphin accident I've had to crank myself to sleep every night'
'Late at night after his girlfriend had gone to sleep Steven Peters Matthews would slowly crank over her delicate jawline'

Mohinder: Hey guys do you all wanna go to the beach and catch some waves and then afterwards we can go to Chad's house and have communal crank'
Bruce: That sounds totally crazy sick Mohinder I'll give Chuck a ring he loves cranking'

'Man I just watched Schindler's List, it was like totally sad but that little girl in the red coat was so hot i just had to have a crank'.

'The other day I was having a glorious wank in the woods when I saw a cute bunny rabbit get brutally mutilated by a hedgehog it turned my once in a lifetime wanking experience into a mournful cranking session'
by Malcom McCroat February 13, 2009
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cracking

Removing copyright protection from copyrighted software. Commonly used to obtain software without paying for it. Cracking is not by inserting a false or used serial number, but to insert other documents and files into the actual program to make it seem like it was registered by a paying customer, when it actually wasn't.
My friend downloaded Microsoft Word, and is cracking it right now.
by Umbepo August 6, 2005
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Melon Cracking

Woodkirk rules: A game between 2 or more guys where they cut a hole in a melon just big enough for their limp cocks, they then stick them in and the first one to get a hard on and crack their melon wins
Girlfriend; your cock tastes like fruit
Guy; i was melon cracking last night
by The blackbird December 20, 2008
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Wise Cracking Rabbi

A Rabbi who you usually walk down a hall with and when asked a question he answers it with some wisely cracked joke. He has long curly hair, a star of david necklace and a yamaka.
Jim: Do you charge for your circumcisions??
Rabbi: No I just keep the tips!!
Jim: You wise cracking rabbi bastard
by Overweight Chumbawumba February 27, 2011
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Rib cracking drunk

When you get so drunk you kick your dog, cat ormaybe wife so hard that you crack a few ribs.
dude i got so drunk last night, i kicked the dog so hard and heard at least three ribs crack, it was a rib cracking drunk night!!!
by fuji1611 August 1, 2014
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cracking cans

Aussie expression of surprise referring to a woman's breasts when they're noticeable and appealing : i.e.great tits ! Since only aussies understand it, you may use it abroad loudly, in a bar for instance.
- Wow, check-out the red-head over there, mate.
- Cracking cans !
- yeah, nice ass too.
by Boags July 24, 2007
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Cracking someone

Laying someone out or beating someone up
“I just cracked his shit“

ill crack you

cracking someone
by realthug420 February 23, 2020
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