Just as Bill Oddie may like to observe his Wood Pecker oscillating in and out of a large hole from time to time, I like to view, from a distance at least, the segregated subgroup of desperate humanity that we like to call Chavs. As if you hadn’t already guessed from my pessimistic drones, I dislike chavs with an unceasing hatred, but at times I find them utterly hilarious. When I can, I often watch the humble and increasingly prevalent migration of the Chavs to their local off-licence, where, with a few pence between them, they manage to rustle up about 10 gallons of finest Aldi own-brand cider, and this, with their vastly theatrical habits, beckons giant amounts of predominantly patronising hilarity.
Even funnier than watching a 13 year old chav trying to buy alcohol is watching a 13 year old chav trying to drink it. Yes, we've all had a couple of under-age beverages, but never to the extent of the Chav. Walking around Peterborough, for instance, at about 3 in the morning, you find yourself confusing the amassed collection of collapsed Chavs with street furniture. My friend, for example, thought that one young fellow was actually a bench, and sat on him. (What I was doing at Peterborough at 3 AM, I'm not entirely sure).
Finding a group of Chavs is easy; all you have to do is look in a park. Walk around, and you'll know you've found a chav when he pulls a knife on you and asks if you've got any nail varnish so he can get high off of it. A white tracksuit is a dead give-away, and you can always see them in the dark because of all of the glowing fags that hover about four-feet off the ground. Rest assured, chavs aren’t actually damaging their lungs with these cigarettes, it’s just to make them look really, really cool. (Detect the sarcasm there?) Chavettes are easily identified because they will be wearing a lurid, metallic looking pink Puffa jacket, and will be wearing hooped earrings, that, I am reliably informed, ‘you could hang a parrot on’. Argos bling is also a dead-cert, however that ‘gold’ chain is in reality off of an old motorbike, and they’ve tinted it using paint bought from the Early Learning Centre.
Listening to a chav conversation, I wonder how many words are actually in a Chav's vocabulary. "Fuck", we can presume, features heavily in it, as well as other hilariously patronising ‘expletives’ like "Cock", "Gay", and "Fuck-me-fuck-the-lot-o-ya!" (that, I am assured by a Chav I had the unluckiness of meeting in Peterborough, is actually a single word). Other words which Chavs use as much as these smirk inducing creations include "Mum", "Yur'mum", (which they somehow manage to transform into a single word), and "Innit", which unless you are talking about an old lady's purse, is the least likely place your going to find a male Chav.
Overall then, being a chav watcher is great. Being a Chav, however, isn't.
Its d’ fuckin trufe, innit!
Even funnier than watching a 13 year old chav trying to buy alcohol is watching a 13 year old chav trying to drink it. Yes, we've all had a couple of under-age beverages, but never to the extent of the Chav. Walking around Peterborough, for instance, at about 3 in the morning, you find yourself confusing the amassed collection of collapsed Chavs with street furniture. My friend, for example, thought that one young fellow was actually a bench, and sat on him. (What I was doing at Peterborough at 3 AM, I'm not entirely sure).
Finding a group of Chavs is easy; all you have to do is look in a park. Walk around, and you'll know you've found a chav when he pulls a knife on you and asks if you've got any nail varnish so he can get high off of it. A white tracksuit is a dead give-away, and you can always see them in the dark because of all of the glowing fags that hover about four-feet off the ground. Rest assured, chavs aren’t actually damaging their lungs with these cigarettes, it’s just to make them look really, really cool. (Detect the sarcasm there?) Chavettes are easily identified because they will be wearing a lurid, metallic looking pink Puffa jacket, and will be wearing hooped earrings, that, I am reliably informed, ‘you could hang a parrot on’. Argos bling is also a dead-cert, however that ‘gold’ chain is in reality off of an old motorbike, and they’ve tinted it using paint bought from the Early Learning Centre.
Listening to a chav conversation, I wonder how many words are actually in a Chav's vocabulary. "Fuck", we can presume, features heavily in it, as well as other hilariously patronising ‘expletives’ like "Cock", "Gay", and "Fuck-me-fuck-the-lot-o-ya!" (that, I am assured by a Chav I had the unluckiness of meeting in Peterborough, is actually a single word). Other words which Chavs use as much as these smirk inducing creations include "Mum", "Yur'mum", (which they somehow manage to transform into a single word), and "Innit", which unless you are talking about an old lady's purse, is the least likely place your going to find a male Chav.
Overall then, being a chav watcher is great. Being a Chav, however, isn't.
Its d’ fuckin trufe, innit!
I'm a chav watcher, not a bird watcher. That said, I occasionally like to look at birds.
Q.What do you call 16 chavs in a mini?
A.Innit
Q.What do you call 16 chavs in a mini?
A.Innit
by Becky Barnett September 05, 2006
Ahhhh yes,
Picture this: your out in your local park/street/shopping centre/buss/train station ect, ect and you spot some illiterate mo fo’s (not that they’d be bothered by being called mo fo) known as chav’s hanging around in Burberry (caps and scarves and possibly jackets if they had a good week with dealing there drugs) and possibly with a fag hanning out of there mouths and probably paying a really unnecessary game called happy slapy on some old man who dosnt have a fighting chance against a fag, shit, diesel smelling mob.
Seeing this you feel angry and that there is not enough ASBOS in your aria for the young, old innocent and frail!
So you turn to chav hunting, (wise choice)the following ways to chav hunt are only ideas and a few have been put into practice (sadly no chav was actually killed)
1) Buy a Burberry umbrella: when walking by a group of chav’s mercifully beat them over there heads! (in doing this I suggest you run for the closest and tallest tree or uh…jump on a buss)
2) chavmoble: this involves 8 9 inch nails or anything sharp enough to slash or puncture there tyres. you get the idea….
3) use any pest control item you can get you hands on preferably poisonous gasses and follow directions :D
4) use a gun/harpoon/helicopter air riffle and shoot the buggers >_<
5)the space between your ears use that too ^^
Picture this: your out in your local park/street/shopping centre/buss/train station ect, ect and you spot some illiterate mo fo’s (not that they’d be bothered by being called mo fo) known as chav’s hanging around in Burberry (caps and scarves and possibly jackets if they had a good week with dealing there drugs) and possibly with a fag hanning out of there mouths and probably paying a really unnecessary game called happy slapy on some old man who dosnt have a fighting chance against a fag, shit, diesel smelling mob.
Seeing this you feel angry and that there is not enough ASBOS in your aria for the young, old innocent and frail!
So you turn to chav hunting, (wise choice)the following ways to chav hunt are only ideas and a few have been put into practice (sadly no chav was actually killed)
1) Buy a Burberry umbrella: when walking by a group of chav’s mercifully beat them over there heads! (in doing this I suggest you run for the closest and tallest tree or uh…jump on a buss)
2) chavmoble: this involves 8 9 inch nails or anything sharp enough to slash or puncture there tyres. you get the idea….
3) use any pest control item you can get you hands on preferably poisonous gasses and follow directions :D
4) use a gun/harpoon/helicopter air riffle and shoot the buggers >_<
5)the space between your ears use that too ^^
awwwwwh yeah!! chav hunting an family affair
by silentXlullaby November 10, 2006
A game with rapidly increasing popularity in towns and cities all over Britain. The idea is to amass a gang of your own peers and take out as many chavs (see chav) as possible. The connoisseurs of this sport are pushing to make this sort of pursuit legal, and have achieved some success at local election level in many Northern English towns (see blackpool,bradford,burnley,york etc) and are vowing to make it a parliamentary and general election issue very soon. As soon as this sport is legalised we can kill the chavs, and save the world!
(see also euthanasia,mercy killing,extermination,pest control etc)
(see also euthanasia,mercy killing,extermination,pest control etc)
by Jimbob May 06, 2005
A large group of Chavs who stand directly across a road (Blocking the road off) to stop cars, it makes the road totally un-drivable, and is a real nonsense for road users.
The act is to block off traffic and/or block off the police, this act shows unity between the Chavs, and makes them feel very powerful.
The act is to block off traffic and/or block off the police, this act shows unity between the Chavs, and makes them feel very powerful.
by Tom Santos March 25, 2008
If you ever see one of these you'll know straight away as it will be accompanied by a top lad wearing his full adidas tracksuit with a bomber jacket. He'll either have Nike air max or huaraches. If they have all this gear then they will surely have there classic bag, otherwise known as a 'weed bag' or a 'chav pouch', they can only be adidas, Armani or the North face, anything else and they'll threaten to shank you. The chav bag can seems to have some sort of 'tardis' feature as it always seems like they can store mad stacks of weed, a shank some extra gear in small bag.
Oh yes Xander this morning I saw a few 'chavs' walk into the local JD's whilst I was at the pret, they came out and one of them said 'oi ye what clobber did u get??' He replied 'oi, not much just this new bag to store all my mad stacks of weed in', they then swiftly left shouting 'oi safe weeee' . Chav Bag Chav Bag
by OwenSmithTheLabourGuy July 29, 2016
A young child (Normally male) about 3 foot tall with a squeaky voice, dressed in uniform or full chav-suit that calls everything gay and enjoys wasting his food by throwing it afew centimetres. Also take offence by anything, even waving at them.
by ReTahDid September 27, 2006
by johny cum lately March 09, 2005