super awkward turtle

this is the same as your regular awkward turtle except one will flip his hands upside down. this creates a turtle as though it were on its back and unable to move. this may only be used in super awkward moments which happen very rarely in life.

telling a mom joke in a group to someone who's mom is actually dead, and the only person that doesn't know his mom is dead is the joke teller. this situation would invite you to use the super awkward turtle.

by daniel w. p. March 6, 2007

Turtle Paw

Where one, separates their four fingers into two to create a 'v' shape and uses it as foreplay on a woman. Two of the fingers for the vagina and two for the anus. Otherwise known as 'the shocker.'

'Two in the pink, two in the stink.' - Turtle paw

by Rory Turtle Paw November 13, 2009

Red Turtle

the first shit that you pump out of your ass after a rock hard cock has been in it, causing bleeding such that the tip of the shit is coated in red blood.

she told me to pull out cause she was gonna drop a red turtle in my mouth, but instead she smeared it all over my chest

by in the out hole December 24, 2007

One Eyed Turtle Neck Bandit

Noun. A slang term for a circumcised penis. "One Eyed" refers to the single hole in the penis. "Turtle Neck" refers to the resemblence of a circumcised penis to a turtle neck shirt. "Bandit" refers to the sneakiness of a penis in sliding into a vagina.

My One Eyed Turtle Neck Bandit slid in and out before she knew it.

by Lehry March 11, 2009

Advanced Awkward Turtle

Advanced Awkward Turtle

Advanced Awkward Turtle is the next stage in evolutionary awkwardness.
To perform the Advanced Awkward Turtle there are three preliminary conditions you must be sure are in place.
Make sure to find an introverted, lonely looking person. Preferably one that is sitting alone. Also, make sure that he/she has a free hand that is placed on a flat surface, with the palm facing down. Lastly, make sure that the hand is within reach. With these conditions, you are ready to perform the Advanced Awkward Turtle.

First, place your opposing hand directly on top of his/her free hand with your palm facing down and your fingers pointing the same direction. Next, make eye contact as you start to rotate your thumbs counter-clockwise(as in standard awkward turtle). Wait until awkwardness ensues. If awkwardness does not become apparent, follow the next steps.

Decrease the distance between your face and theirs, while increasing the rotational speed of your thumbs.

Advanced Awkward Turtle would be used in these situations.

Billy, the boy who never talks, is sitting alone. Until you walk over and get intimately awkward with him.

A bully is picking on you, so you bust out the Awkward Turtle. A gentle wink thrown in will make sure he will never go near you again.

Works very well in breaking the ice, or annihilate it completely.

by Bubba Franks Man March 12, 2009

turtle rancher

Noun; Someone who makes situations/moments awkward by interjecting into conversations inorder to make someone make an awkward turtle.

Guy: hey did you catch that Celtics game last night?
Guy2: No I...
Guy3: two midgets just stole my ice cream, so i killed them with an ice cream scooper!
Guy2: *makes awkward turtle
Guy: Dude you're a major turtle rancher.

by Tucker Sampson May 20, 2008

turtle crack

when your penis is slightly visible through the zipper that you forgot to close.

Babji walked out of the bedroom, once again with the zipper of his shorts open, creeping through the small crevice was the tip of his man junk. This was a classic case of turtle crack.

by GBond April 25, 2010