The belief that an all-knowing all-powerful invisible sky daddy that is everywhere at once made the universe in six days but then got tired so he rested on the seventh day. Christians believe God made a nudist colony with a dust-man and a rib-woman and an evil magic apple tree. The rib-woman gets tempted by a talking snake to eat from the magic apple tree. God gets pissed so he tells them to go fuck themselves. Dust-man and rib-woman have kids who have incest with each other. Fast forward a thousand something years later God gets pissed again because his people forgot he existed (well no shit, he told them to go screw themselves), so he tells a 500 year old dude to build a boat. Somehow two of every type of animal board his boat (you know, they totally walk and fly across the planet), and God sends a global flood to drown everyone except the 500 year old man and his family (including killing the innocent children). Two thousand years later God impregnates a virgin with himself. Human form of himself (Jesus) does all kinds of crazy shit like walk on water, turn water into wine, heal the blind, raise his friend from the dead, etc. Jesus gets crucified and then says "JK suckers, I'm alive" three days later, in order to sacrifice himself to himself for our sins. Most Christians believe that if you believe Jesus was God's son, Jesus died on the cross and rose from the dead, and repent of your sins you get to go to heaven (even if you're a rapist, pedophile, or serial killer).
Today, 1/3 of the people in the world believe in the story of Christianity. People have been executed for not believing in this story or believing in a similar story. Parents have disowned children for not believing in this story. Wars and witch-hunts have been started in the name of this story. Presidents have to lie that they believe in this story to get elected. God bless america!
by TurtleMan58 November 12, 2018
by vulture_queerearth87 May 22, 2019
A great religion that is either misunderstood by ignorant morons or maligned by malevolent assholes.Sometimes a combination of both.Sometimes in the 'guise' of a believer.
Christianity has been much maligned unfairly ever since those Enlightenment assholes who weren't any better than those Dark Ages assholes.Infact they're the same assholes.
by JESUS IS THE MESSIAH December 6, 2005
1. A religion with both teachings of good and evil, yet has been responsible for the majority of the world's evil in the past 2,000 years.
2. A religion whose followers refuse to practice what Jesus Christ teaches.
3. A fairy tale, contradictory in and of itself, written in four contradictory plagiarized versions, of a peasant born to a "virgin" woman who cheated on her fiancé with a deity, was raised by her and a carpenter, grew up to be a magic teacher who did magic acts, died on a cross as a scapegoat for nothing he had done wrong, and rose from the dead as if nothing ever happened.
4. The belief that a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree. Makes perfect sense.
2. A religion whose followers refuse to practice what Jesus Christ teaches.
3. A fairy tale, contradictory in and of itself, written in four contradictory plagiarized versions, of a peasant born to a "virgin" woman who cheated on her fiancé with a deity, was raised by her and a carpenter, grew up to be a magic teacher who did magic acts, died on a cross as a scapegoat for nothing he had done wrong, and rose from the dead as if nothing ever happened.
4. The belief that a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree. Makes perfect sense.
1. Christianity may have been a good religion to begin with, but was perverted by many of its followers when they committed various acts of stupidity and evil.
2. Many Christians today are hypocrites.
3. The Biblical stories, especially Christianity, will one day be sorted into the mythology section along with the ancient Roman and Greek myths, and maybe along with the fairy tale sections.
4. Christianity sounds like a stupid religion if you summarize it like that.
2. Many Christians today are hypocrites.
3. The Biblical stories, especially Christianity, will one day be sorted into the mythology section along with the ancient Roman and Greek myths, and maybe along with the fairy tale sections.
4. Christianity sounds like a stupid religion if you summarize it like that.
by Kiss My Ass, Religion June 13, 2010
an oxymoronic religon stating that there is a forgiving god, so its followers have to be unforgiving to people of other religons because the know that their god won't.
by Mediaptera January 3, 2005
Christianity has raped and destroyed the cultures of people around the world, and now they're feeling the backlash.
Why are they so surprised?
Why are they so surprised?
by ,,, November 15, 2006
A business that started a few centuries after a regular dude named Joshua got nailed to some 4x4s. Has grown and become an extremely affluent and successful business, largely due to its expansion during the crusades and the genocide of anybody who didn't want to join their customer base and give them money.
It retains its large customer base to this very day through threats of eternal damnation if anybody believe differently or violates any of their rules. This manner of threat tends to breed fanatics who not only push their religion on others, but condemn those who don't believe as they do.
Another method of customer retention is by controlling their customers' thoughts and actions. By doing this, they promote meekness, which in turn breeds people who need the church to tell them what to do day to day, and how to do it.
For example, by condemning those for doing a perfectly natural thing such as having sex outside of a generic union that was invented by them (as another method of control), the church gets a grasp on their clients' natural instincts. This is paramount to controlling them.
In summary, Christianity is a business that has been around for a long time, and has flourished by threatening and controlling its customers, and by the extermination of anybody who didn't want to buy their product.
It retains its large customer base to this very day through threats of eternal damnation if anybody believe differently or violates any of their rules. This manner of threat tends to breed fanatics who not only push their religion on others, but condemn those who don't believe as they do.
Another method of customer retention is by controlling their customers' thoughts and actions. By doing this, they promote meekness, which in turn breeds people who need the church to tell them what to do day to day, and how to do it.
For example, by condemning those for doing a perfectly natural thing such as having sex outside of a generic union that was invented by them (as another method of control), the church gets a grasp on their clients' natural instincts. This is paramount to controlling them.
In summary, Christianity is a business that has been around for a long time, and has flourished by threatening and controlling its customers, and by the extermination of anybody who didn't want to buy their product.
Guy 1: Hey, I heard guy 3 is really into Christianity
Guy 2: Oh really? He must be an impressionable idiot, who believes in a being that's as whimsical as Santa Clause
Guy 3: Hey guys, how's it going? I just got back from my youth group brainwashing session. Christianity is awesome, because I wouldn't know what to do with my life without it.
Guy 2: Oh really? He must be an impressionable idiot, who believes in a being that's as whimsical as Santa Clause
Guy 3: Hey guys, how's it going? I just got back from my youth group brainwashing session. Christianity is awesome, because I wouldn't know what to do with my life without it.
by Teleboner February 6, 2010