1 definition by TurtleMan58
The belief that an all-knowing all-powerful invisible sky daddy that is everywhere at once made the universe in six days but then got tired so he rested on the seventh day. Christians believe God made a nudist colony with a dust-man and a rib-woman and an evil magic apple tree. The rib-woman gets tempted by a talking snake to eat from the magic apple tree. God gets pissed so he tells them to go fuck themselves. Dust-man and rib-woman have kids who have incest with each other. Fast forward a thousand something years later God gets pissed again because his people forgot he existed (well no shit, he told them to go screw themselves), so he tells a 500 year old dude to build a boat. Somehow two of every type of animal board his boat (you know, they totally walk and fly across the planet), and God sends a global flood to drown everyone except the 500 year old man and his family (including killing the innocent children). Two thousand years later God impregnates a virgin with himself. Human form of himself (Jesus) does all kinds of crazy shit like walk on water, turn water into wine, heal the blind, raise his friend from the dead, etc. Jesus gets crucified and then says "JK suckers, I'm alive" three days later, in order to sacrifice himself to himself for our sins. Most Christians believe that if you believe Jesus was God's son, Jesus died on the cross and rose from the dead, and repent of your sins you get to go to heaven (even if you're a rapist, pedophile, or serial killer).
Today, 1/3 of the people in the world believe in the story of Christianity. People have been executed for not believing in this story or believing in a similar story. Parents have disowned children for not believing in this story. Wars and witch-hunts have been started in the name of this story. Presidents have to lie that they believe in this story to get elected. God bless america!
by TurtleMan58 November 12, 2018