Leathered as a handlebar 

Being in a state of of extreme drunkenness, but unable to vocalise the much more reasonable, 'Leathered as a handbag". i.e: the inability to identify the real phrase of the moment, instead reeling off many similar sounding phrases.

Any variation of the above is acceptable.
i.e: Leathered as a satchel
Satcheled as a handle bag,
Handlebaged as a leather.
Most variants are welcome.

"Mate, are you going to come on the beers tonight?"

"No thank you mate, I'm leathered as a handlebar".

Leathered as a handlebar by Anti Valmont December 2, 2009

Magician's handkerchief 

When you masturbate with both hands, alternating strokes so that you are going in the same direction in a continuous motion, like how a magician pulls on an infinite handkerchief.

Last night I lubed up both hands and gave myself a tug on the magician's handkerchief.

Magician's handkerchief by Adam Bones May 14, 2016

Donald Trump Handshake 

When a male masturbates wildly and vigorously to demonstrate his dominance over his penis.

When i get home i am going to give my penis a donald trump handshake

Donald Trump Handshake by Raphael69 January 23, 2018

handi-tard

A very stupid, unintelligent person, that is indeed so dumb, that you cannot tell whether he/she is truly handicapped.

Look at that handi-tard, hes chasing that car.

handi-tard by DINKS_Clancy June 11, 2006

Handsome jack 

Owner of Hyperion who also wears a mask over his deformed ass face, and has a sentient horse made of diamonds.

“Don’t be a handsome jack and be the owner of the machine that revives their enemies over and over again”- game theory, and my inaccurate memory

Handsome jack by Alwaystimeforajojo’sreference June 12, 2018

Manos: Hands of Fate 

Possibly the worst movie ever made. It was made (slightly) famous by MST3K when they snarked the movie.

Not a movie that one can make out to, for one may experience bouts of laughter and may bite one's lover's tongue.

Me: Did you see "Manos: Hands of Fate?"?
Friend: Yesh. I watched it while the master was away.

Manos: Hands of Fate by Lady Bonkers August 23, 2006

Bangkok Handshake 

The art of shaking a woman's "hand" in Bangkok to ensure she IS in fact a woman and not a decepetive lady boy with a big ol penis

I totally gave her the Bangkok Handshake, Bitch checks out!

Bangkok Handshake by DrGonzo61 December 21, 2007