Laser-Ham

Dear god, if you're looking this up it may already be too late for you. They are the dark ones, the decimators, the destroyers of civilization. The only actual sighting of them has reported them to look like abnormally large pieces of ham with glowing red eyes, who can shoot lasers strong enough to cut through anything. It's believed that the Bermuda Triangle is actually a den to these creatures, and the triangle is formed by three stationed hams firing lasers. They are commonly reported at redacted but seem to disappear by the time anybody arrives. One citizen who claims to have seen the Laser-Hams claimed that they were ruled by an "AbraHAM Lincoln", an Abraham Lincoln who much resembles our own, but instead has a piece of ham around his right eye, which is replaced with a glowing crimson one. It is not proven true or false if this entity exists yet.

Doomed person 1: "Dear god, the Laser-Ham, they're coming!"
Doomed person 2: "What's that? Are you insane?"
*Laser sounds and screaming of doom*

by The Drawer Goblin February 28, 2021

Stretched Ham

A gaping anus. Achieved through fisting or sexual penetration with a girthy cock or sex toy. See gaping.

Rachel had some stretched ham when I left last night.

Cathy is really into fisting. She loves the full feeling and a good stretched ham.

by Eaton Holgoode February 4, 2018

Ham Water

Excessive fat in the feces. Causes a very oily turd and often foul smelling (not as if shit smells like a bouquet of roses in the first place). See also Steatorrhea for the clinical.

This ham water is oily and greasy. Not to mention stanks. I’ve got to cut out the fried chicken.

by Eaton Holgoode June 9, 2018

Ham Hogging

When your homeboy is doing more than just cartwheels on that shit

My boy Kyle was constantly Ham Hogging me during that uno game

by Mrfatcakes May 26, 2023

floor ham

Cold cuts you keep underneath your bed when your hungry.

Bro 1: yo im starving but i don’t wana go get food.

Bro 2: check joes bed , he’s been braggin about how good his floor ham is.

by Bro mcdudeson January 14, 2018

ham picnic

When you go on a picnic with you half-sibling intending to enjoy a delicious lunch of ham and other picnic staples, but it careens off-course into an incestuous encounter that is still punctuated with a delicious ham.

After visiting their family, the two half-siblings left for the park to enjoy their spontaneous ham picnic.

by Big Papa 19 April 25, 2017

Side Hams

When a girl with lower back fat wears tight pants and a tight shirt and the view from behind looks like she's smuggling two hams on her sides above her ass.

"That girl would be really hot if she did'nt have those big ass side hams"

by SITKO April 2, 2008