Condom Connoisseur

One who knows his or her way around the condom section on the local drug store to a frightening degree….

Have you ever seen that episode of Aqua teen hunger force where they use a ray to enlarge Carl‘s genitals and crabs start crawling out of his shorts? He is NOT a Condom Connoisseur.

by umpa lumpa Dude July 5, 2006

Condom

Prevention from future problems.

Gets a call from a woman. Woman: Hello... Remember the night 9 months ago?
Man: No?
Woman: We had sex...
Man: Aaah... Nice. So you want to do it again?
Woman: The reason why I am calling is to tell you that you have a son.
Man: I am pretty sure I would have known if I had a son, and I guarantee you that I don't have one.
Woman: Enough jokes, funny guy. Your son came out of my stomach last night.
Man: What? But I always use a condom when I have sex... How is that possible?
Woman: Are you saying our son wasn't wanted? You even said you loved me and that you wanted to marry me.
Man: I must really have been drunk that night.
Woman: Get ready to pay child support.
*man shoots himself*

by ad diction August 16, 2012

condom machine

A thing that is in every truck stop bathroom. Allows the trucker to get a rubber, so he can fuck one of those skanky hookers that hang around truck stops, without the embarrasment of going up to the cashier. Also commonly used by 16 year old boys. The condoms usually cost 75 cents.

Trucker: (Just got done shitting) Looks up at condom machine above the toilet. "Hmm, there done be a lot of skanks hangin out in the parkin lot. Better grab a rubber."

by JJ Hard-on September 7, 2007

Condom titties

Noun; Natural breasts with more skin that fat, as to seem like condoms filled with cottage cheese.

Brittany: (with her breasts exposed) ...but Frey'yud, why shood I git inplants?

Thomas: Be'cause your tiddies look like cottage cheese in two condoms - one made for blacks and one made for Asians.

Brittany: Thomas!

Thomas: Condom titties Con... Cond... (vomits to the side)

by An Honest Mormon February 26, 2009

condomize

Verb: to apply a condom. A neo-sexy Safe Sex word.

"They love it when you condomize them with your mouth."

"Hold on, let me condomize ya."

by Tragic Rabbit June 19, 2006

Bed Condom

The stretchy sheet you put on the mattress of a bed before putting the actual sheets and blankets on it.

Hey, don't lay directly on the mattress, put a bed condom down on it first.

by RCL93 April 19, 2010

and then the condom broke

When you see a person walking towards you and you are having a conversation, you say "and then the condom broke" right when the person gets in hearing range to freak them out.

*Rachel walks towards Vince and Nicole*
Nicole: ...and then the condom broke.
Rachel: WHAT?!!?

by vinnnifer May 19, 2010