Masturbation

Mass Murder of tiny defenseless Sperm

If Masturbation is Mass Murder then does that make someone who Masturbates EVIL

by Anomynose October 19, 2017

Yellow Pages masturbation

Female masturbation without the use of any implements, using one's fingers instead. From the Yellow Pages catch-phrase "Let your fingers do the walking".

Monica didn't own a vibrator, so she satisfied herself with Yellow Pages masturbation.

by Nostradumbass11 January 13, 2010

masturbation

slamming the noodle
tickling the hoe
cooking the turkey

Gabby's tickling the hoe with Luke masturbation.
Beka's cooking the turkey with Danielmasturbation.

by mikeikes June 3, 2009

Masturbation Madness March

A lot like destroy dick december but with a little twist, starting March 1st, you haft to ejaculate 10 times per day until April 1st.

Person one: Wait, are you actually participating in Masturbation Madness March!?!

Person two: Yeah man, it seems scary but I have confidence that I can do it.

by abr3948 January 1, 2019

the masturbation defense

The universal alibi used by criminal defense attorneys and criminals. The accused will use the "I was at home masturbating" defense to avoid conviction. Defense will provide dna evidence and semen samples to the prosicution resulting in an acquittal, mostly.

detective: Sir, we know you did it we know you lured those minors. you also have alot of teenage boys and girls on your facebook page. We have witnesses and physical evidence linking you to these crimes.

handjob Bob: I was at home masturbating, mostly. You want proof?

detective: "The masturbation defense" huh? you have surviellance video of you masturbating?

handjob Bob: Better, I have DNA evidence and witnesses who can back that up.

by TheFirst48 January 22, 2010

reputation masturbation

Attempt to inflate ones own image by claiming you've slept with a woman you really just masturbated to. Typical female subject way out of your league (see: Reputation Urination).

Frequent acts of Reputation Masturbation may result in fapnapping. Typical offender lives vicariously through dude bro friends who actually get laid.

Dude bro: you see that hottie Katie on the second floor yet?

Offender: hell yea bro, I banged her last weekend
Dude bro: you mean you banged your hand and fapnapped last weekend. Classic case of reputation masturbation.

by Kadence W December 14, 2013

Synchronized Masturbation

Planning masturbation at the same time as your counterpart. Not necessarily in the same room, synchronized masturbation can be done over text, video chat, ect. Pictures and videos are often exchanged during synchronized masturbation.

Guy 1:"Dude, me and April were doing synchronized masturbation last night!"
Guy 2:"Did you get any picture?"
Guy 1:"Nah man, better, I got a video. I chummed hard man!"

by Short Kicker August 19, 2014