Ted

A person who kills a joke by stating something obvious. Derivative of the scene from Family Guy where Ted Turner says 'Like a bisexual'.
Guy 1: And she called me Brendan!
Guy 2: Haha that's funny!
Guy 3: It's funny, because your name is Brian!
Guy 1 & 2: Thanks Ted.
by TotallyAwesomeIndividual October 05, 2009
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Ted

extremely awesome, a really cool kid, is definetly not gay, probably has lots of friends, and all the chicks like him
by ted the greatest October 17, 2008
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Ted

A giant shit that's been brewing in your bowls all day long.
"I have to go take a giant Ted Teddy."
by Soapbox69 May 13, 2010
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Ted

A synonym for hug. Originally from the Skype bear emoji who gives a hug and was named after the talking and walking teddy bear from the movie Ted.

Can be replaced in a text by any bear emoji
"Ted me"

"Give me a Ted"
by Speckonadeck August 25, 2019
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TED

stands for "That Enlisted Dude." typically a enlisted member of the Coast Guard (or really any service) that feels slighted by the fact that he chose to join up right out of high school rather than try to become an officer and displays a high level of ignorance and contempt/jealousy for officers and cadets. Usually displays a lot of "service pride" which really means 95% of his clothing says Coast Guard on it somewhere, because it's way cheaper to buy things at the exchange than even Wal-Mart.
Guy 1: I was going to get a huge decal on the bag of my Dodge with an Eagle carrying the CG emblem.
Guy 2: Dude, that'd be like, so sick... Let's smoke some Camels and get nautical star tatoos to celebrate.
Cadet standing awkwardly: (under breath) TEDs...
by jimmycricket383838338383838388 February 20, 2010
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Ted

The name you call a man when you don't know his name, nor do you have any interest in getting to know his actual name.

Can be used for a casual acquaintance, a hookup, one night stand, or even an uninteresting guy buying you a drink.
You: "Hi my name is Brian."

Me: "Nice to meet you, Ted."

Or in the ladies bathroom -

Me: I'm talking to a Ted out there. I need someone to save me.
by Roxma May 25, 2010
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Ted

My dad is Ted.
by Robby Micheal Jordan October 11, 2010
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