Skip to main content

kaspersky

A Russian "Anti Virus" solution commonly mocked due to being very stereotypical. For instance, before the virus protection will protect your computer from infections, you must first earn its respect. Otherwise, the only option you can select when dealing with a virus is "Ignore". It is still unknown how one must go about "earning its respect".

Kaspersky is also known for not only removing viruses, but "Crushing" them or "Obliterating" them. Instead of quarantining a virus, Kaspersky sends the virus to the Gulag where it serves 20 years hard labor breaking rocks in Siberia.

Kaspersky's company slogan is "In Soviet Russia, virus scanner scan YOU".

Kaspersky Anti Virus is often criticized when a virus is found that becomes unremovable. Instead of letting the virus win, Kaspersky will automatically blow up your computer so nobody wins, because, according to Kaspersky, "It is much more desirable for both Kaspersky and virus to lose, than for virus to win".

There have been reports recently stating that Kaspersky Anti Virus actually puts viruses on your computer, and then acts like its doing YOU a favor when it removes them. This is a particularly big problem if you have not earned Kaspersky's respect yet.

Kaspersky Anti Virus is rumored to be releasing a firewall solution in the coming months. Instead of simply being a firewall, though, it will be an iron curtain that puts satellite computers around yours, forming a virus buffer zone.
Kaspersky Anti Virus is the most untrusted name in virus protection.
by Jordandijinz0rz January 25, 2009
mugGet the kaspersky mug.

finders keepers

derived from an old children's adage "finders keepers, losers weepers",which basically asserts that anything found or discovered by someone automatically entitles them to ownership of that property.
"so that bag of money that fell off the armored car onto your front lawn...you gonna return it to the bank?"

"nope. finders keepers....so see you in Mexico!"
by polo November 29, 2004
mugGet the finders keepers mug.
Related Words
kesper Kesperanza Kasper keeper kemper Kester kelper Keeper lit keiper kepper

keiper

A slang expression in the California Bay Area used to express frustration.
Keiper, you made me spill my drink!
by Dang Den March 18, 2009
mugGet the keiper mug.

The Keeper

an alternative menstrual product - a small natural gum rubber cup worn internally to catch the menses. since it's only a receptacle, there's no chance of toxic shock; it can hold 1 fluid ounce (most women only bleed 2-4 oz total over the course of their period); it can be worn up to 12 hours; it lasts 10 years. it rules.
fuck tampons - i use the keeper, bitches.
by the fishy April 30, 2005
mugGet the The Keeper mug.

keeper'd

On FIFA 11 Pro Clubs mode, when a human-controlled goalkeeper is beaten by an easy shot or by a skill move.
*Goalkeeper concedes a goal after he dives for a fake shot*

Opposition: KEEPER'D!
Goalkeeper: Shut up, I know!
by bettercallraul July 15, 2011
mugGet the keeper'd mug.

penny keeper

Someone with an excessive amount of pennies that need treating as soon as possible
"Ah Ma Gawsh, that leemo is a massive penny keeper!"
by winston churchill123 February 23, 2009
mugGet the penny keeper mug.

lighthouse keeper

The lighthouse keeper has a lonely job tending to the beacon.
by Peter435 October 3, 2017
mugGet the lighthouse keeper mug.

Share this definition

Sign in to vote

We'll email you a link to sign in instantly.

Or

Check your email

We sent a link to

Open your email